I've been dreaming about you for 3 nights now!

I can't wait for my day Offs....Please Red velvet cheesecake come to me!!!

The Morning After Pill

 I already saw you before you even met me. You came from the other door and your striking features just caught my eye. I have never seen such beautiful olive skin like yours . I find your exotic beauty totally mesmerizing. Then I met you in the briefing room when you called my name and instantly I knew we came from the same country. Oh thank God at least I have someone to talk to other than  these strangers asking for the most bizarre of things. 

The seven hours flight felt longer. The Miranda girl did it again. She won't stop complaining about this and that while I was trying to keep the other girl awake, I felt sorry for her not being able to sleep before work. Indie just keeps on dropping stuff  while being undeniably unaware of the entire situation in the cabin and so she won't stop eating. After the turbulence and the never ending requests of meals and drinks you finally approached me. You immediately asked me about my love life. I don't normally open up to strangers. I just smiled and you instantly brag about not being lucky with men. I told you how impossible that you're single when you're looking like that. Your eyes lit up and there I saw how you bit your lip and just like that I knew why...

 You met Marco the night before with dancing lights and the deafening sound of music with alcohol overflowing in the counter. You smiled and he came over. He's NOT your type but a month long of loneliness is about to kill you. After a few drinks and a few more,  you finally asked him to take you to your place. Another stranger in your bed to satisfy your hunger, mission accomplished. You told me you liked it so much  just no strings attached. You've slept with a ton of guys that you don't even remember their names. Your beauty is your weapon and you can get anyone you want. But you just can't convince anyone of them to stay long enough to know you, to like you and to love you.

You give too much and you expect nothing in return. You allow them not to respect you and just be free to treat you like a piece of toy. They come to you quickly and gone the next day. You set no boundaries, you let them use you. Now you're tired and you're looking for someone to cuddle you  the morning after rather than another piece of meat to exhilarate your appetite  You're getting older and beauty fades. You said the good guys are already taken and the bad ones are always available to play.

I looked at you but I guess you're not ready. Your friends are no different from you. And I have no experience sleeping around or having one night stands. I don't know what else to say. I don't have a PhD in love or whatsoever. I just knew what suffering  is , - well enough to protect myself.

"Let the guy chase you. 
You are worth more than his salt. 
You are well worth to sought after. 
You're beautiful, Don't be afraid to reject those unworthy of you. 
You're not a parking lot they can put their thing on for a few hours then park again somewhere later.

Treasure yourself. 
Because if you don't, no one else will. "


I searched for you once we land back to Dubai. I guess you went straight to Duty Free to buy a new set of make up. You're meeting the Russian-half-Syrian you met last night. You said you just want to know what he tastes like. I rolled my eyes. 

Le Love

I

sink into you,

your neck,

your open shirt,

You.

A lifetime

with you.

Girl Crush : Victoria Secret Angel Candice Swanepoel #WorkOutInspiration

My mother's sisters

 She looked at me in the eye even when she knows she's uninvited. I don't want her here. I bet she doesn't want to be here too. Out of mock curiosity and a bit of spit right into my face she brought her courage to greet me with a smile, a fake one.
  I heard her stories before. Knowing we grew up together somehow seems like a very distant memory now. I could feel her hate raging in her veins. She can kill me with one look  and throw fire from her mouth. I don't know exactly what happened with the little girl I used to know - the one with long black hair with severe dry hands who used to call me in the middle of the night to talk about boys. She's gone now. In front of me stood a monster version of her instead, with her stare as sharp as a needle.
   A few days back she came with my Mom's sister. I tried to push away the memory of our last fight. All I know is that we are connected still, we came from the same blood from our mothers. And yet with my mighty effort to be nice to them and to her it's sad to know that they only came to remember me for one thing. They came for what, exactly? for gifts, for money, for anything I could possibly give that I own. And if I fail, there they go with their bitter words spreading across town. Somehow I am guilty. I expect people to feel the same way I feel. I thought everyone can just be nice without expecting anything in return. Truth is, sometimes  those whom you used to call family are the ones who treat you like a stranger.

     I lost my mother. I don't owe you my life for what you had done for her while she was in her death bed.... When I ran out of things to give I wonder if You will still be there for me. 
     And if the sun fails to shine tomorrow please don't throw rocks at me for I don't own the sun. 
 


  You can only test the people who are  for real when you've got nothing left  to give.
      They wear their smiles but they talk behind your back.
      Call you names like you never had a relationship.
      I am not perfect and I don't expect people to be perfect.
      And it's disappointing to find out that people whom you trust can be the hardest.
     May God grant me the serenity to forgive....

Here Now

   I am caught between hating him and loving him more. I am caught between nurturing and depriving. I just can't make up my mind since I can't do so much and I can't be there all the time.
   I was crying silently in my seat as I wait for them to call my name. I don't like the idea of leaving. It's sad and uncertain. But I have my life here, thousand miles away from home. He hugged me tightly. And I did not look back when I entered the gate. I don't want him to see like this, since it will  take a while again before he comes back here waiting for me.
   I stayed and live the life I left for a mere four days. I struggled to sleep and eat the usual stuff at home. The mode of transportation is different from what I got used to here. The simple country life tends to bore me and the old folks stories somehow test my patience. Those people who have not been given the chance to travel and just spent their whole lives living in a small town  like mine seem to have missed a lot of things about life.  Their thinking is quite limited and they always want to prove they are right. So I kept my mouth shut and smile instead. I don't need to prove myself so I just listened.
    I love seeing dad smile and make strange gestures that only tells me he missed me or how we used to be. Since Mom died I can only dream of us being comfortable with each other. But things have changed and I can't stop the changes that continue to twist our fate. It almost feels like I have a 60-year old son I am taking care of with much tenderness. And also this son of mine seems like reaching puberty and wanted to start dating girls again. It really is weird seeing your dear old man chasing lady-senior citizens for dates. It makes me puke and roll my eyes. But what I can I do, he's alone and the house is only haunted by memories of his old-love.

     I thank God for his amazing grace! Despite the fact that the flights were overbooked I was able to get back safely and on time. I managed to meet an old friend too whist on flight.
    Now I am back to my nest. I am half-heartedly happy. I know I have so much things to do. I have so much to learn. I just feel blessed that coming back to Dubai always give me a fresh start. I thank God for always giving the right reasons to come back where my heart is--- Dubai- Manila.

Home ALone

  The familiar smell hit my nostrils instantly. I just landed. And the buzzing sound of traffic makes me jump out of my seat. At midnight, the cars piling up the road making it so hard to jump from one lane to the next. I never expected it will take this long, long way going home.
  Dad looked up for the key hidden somewhere in the window. The lights blinked before I found myself inside the room covered with dusts and memories. So empty yet so loud. The dogs won't stop barking. I can't sleep. I've been awake for so long. From melbourne to Dubai then manila, I am practically dead now.
I slept 'til noon. My younger brother came. He spoke to me nonstop which I liked. He cooked a very nice meal for me. But dad left for a meeting early in the morning. His eyes tells a lot of stories and things he's hiding. I know how he feels but maybe I am wrong. He's quiet and looking afar most of the time. It sure feels like hundred years had already passed from the last time I've been here.
    The melted candles in the closets and the unwashed dishes in the sink make it look like no one is really living here for a while. It makes me sad. One moment everything looks vibrant until everything gets gloomy.

      The mango tree is heavy making my mouth water. I hope that the wind will blow the green mangoes straight to our door, or perhaps hit the dogs in the mouth to shut them up.

      

Update

Back again to Melbourne and now to Auckland. Two more sectors to go and I will be back to Dubai. This time around the Melbourne - Auckland combo did not do so much damage to my body. So far the antacid helps me sleep better and the earplugs makes me forget the strange noise coming from the bathroom. The weather is absolutely divine and I found so many familiar faces . I've flown with 2 or 3 people in this flight and our Purser is such a lovely fellow. It turns out I am seemingly loving this trip . Thank God indeed I thought I will be dead all throughout.
Right now I'm just watching some lame show on MTV- the British version of Jersey Shore Geordie Shore. There's just so many young people wasting their lives over endless parties and casual sex. Sadly looks fade and people get fat.
I will be trying my luck to get into a Manila flight after this . I can't wait to see my dad and just visit my mother's place. One year of not being home feels like a hundred years ago. May the odds be always at my favor.
ciao!

This Just IN

  I spent half of my day clearing away some junk living inside my closet. Looking for one small paper dating two years back certainly pushed me over the edge. I even missed Breakfast and Lunch. I guess this should have been one of my new year's resolution : Throw 'em when You don't Use them.
   Just now finally I got a breather. Since December I've been running around to hell and back. Been so busy that I did not even take some time to write a decent post or actually write in my daily planner. 2012 wrapped up so quickly. But that was quite a year! Magical, a Breakthrough Year of many things!
   Christmas was surprisingly fun and easy given that I went to a family Christmas Eve dinner and report to work a few hours later. Such a blessing it turns out since that flight was so light and all the crew were exuberantly happy that I did not feel like working at all. I met a few interesting people too  whilst on-board.
     While the rest of world was doing the countdown for 2013 we were securing the cabin for arrival. We touched down Melbourne half past midnight Dubai time and I was on a sleep break during midnight Australia time. So that was it. I just spent the whole time sleeping in my hotel room and taking Panadol and Antacid every two hours. I hope Australia will give me amazing vibe for the rest of the year. I made lots of money on that flight while keeping myself alive. I guess I will be working very hard this 2013, my new adventure continues...
      I arrived to Dubai on my birthday. I was so touched that the same people whom I got to spent my New Year's would be the same people who will greet me first. They made me  an on-board greeting card and gave me a perfume-set from Duty Free. Exhausted but happy, Delighted and Hopeful. I tucked myself in my bed for two hours until I went out to meet my Significant Other. After almost three weeks of being apart, having him in my arms just made every stress in my body disappear. I got everything I wanted and even more! I don't really like the idea of ageing. Well, it seems like I have no choice but face the inevitable.
     I made an agreement with myself to work hard and play hard this 2013. I got used to working hard only and just deprive myself of the luxury of just breathing slowly once in a while.
    I also made a pact with myself to eat more healthy on-board and on-ground. I should not made excuses not to work out. I am so blessed to have a great healthy body and an amazing metabolism but that should't make me lazy or complacent. Especially now that, I just got a year older. If only I can just be forever 21.

    I am so excited to explore new destinations this year.
    I am so thrilled with the idea that most of what I dreamt of last 2012 materialized  and that this 2013 I will aim higher and work harder since nothing is impossible anyway.

    I loved the fact that I am aching for someone who feels the same way about me. It's nice to feel the butterflies living inside my tummy again whenever our hands touch. Now I am feeling so 21 again. Date nights   turned out to be crazy and fun-filled and stress reliever. And that's just how love should be. right? I am happy.
 
    I guess I have to grab my 2013 planner now. I have a long list to consider.
    It's been a great start.
    I am praying for more awesome days to come!

     Rock ON!!!!

Damn! I turned 19+ a few days ago! #Birthday