Here Now

   I am caught between hating him and loving him more. I am caught between nurturing and depriving. I just can't make up my mind since I can't do so much and I can't be there all the time.
   I was crying silently in my seat as I wait for them to call my name. I don't like the idea of leaving. It's sad and uncertain. But I have my life here, thousand miles away from home. He hugged me tightly. And I did not look back when I entered the gate. I don't want him to see like this, since it will  take a while again before he comes back here waiting for me.
   I stayed and live the life I left for a mere four days. I struggled to sleep and eat the usual stuff at home. The mode of transportation is different from what I got used to here. The simple country life tends to bore me and the old folks stories somehow test my patience. Those people who have not been given the chance to travel and just spent their whole lives living in a small town  like mine seem to have missed a lot of things about life.  Their thinking is quite limited and they always want to prove they are right. So I kept my mouth shut and smile instead. I don't need to prove myself so I just listened.
    I love seeing dad smile and make strange gestures that only tells me he missed me or how we used to be. Since Mom died I can only dream of us being comfortable with each other. But things have changed and I can't stop the changes that continue to twist our fate. It almost feels like I have a 60-year old son I am taking care of with much tenderness. And also this son of mine seems like reaching puberty and wanted to start dating girls again. It really is weird seeing your dear old man chasing lady-senior citizens for dates. It makes me puke and roll my eyes. But what I can I do, he's alone and the house is only haunted by memories of his old-love.

     I thank God for his amazing grace! Despite the fact that the flights were overbooked I was able to get back safely and on time. I managed to meet an old friend too whist on flight.
    Now I am back to my nest. I am half-heartedly happy. I know I have so much things to do. I have so much to learn. I just feel blessed that coming back to Dubai always give me a fresh start. I thank God for always giving the right reasons to come back where my heart is--- Dubai- Manila.