Wake me Up with This Song!

August Moon

I slept all day and still craving for my bed. Who could possibly go out in this kind of weather? Try to get a glimpse of the moon tonight and you will see what I'm talking about. You can literally spell hot and humid with a capital H.

Ramadan Kareem! Shorter working for the Muslims and food deprivation for us and lucky me to be working at night so we can still have picnic at the back office. The holiday period seems to be over for awhile, at least here. I'm just psyched to see how relaxed the coming month is going to be. And that means I have to hit Borders and Kinokuniya for latest reads or go back to Sketching. I haven't drawn in months, I wonder where my charcoal pencils are.

God, I can't believe how time flies this fast.
Sooner or later I might find myself in my latest adventure. This is freedom. Dad is alright and life is getting better.

Shall we light scented candles now? Because I am still in need of sleep. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I'll catch up with my dreaming, too.

I am feeling so "BLUE"

it's a long perfect day today:-)

Fetish

I don't want to go the extreme, but I find this beautiful...
I might get it in henna... two weeks is enough:-)

from ALA P.

and this was mine from Casablanca, Morocco July 2008

You don't really need to be physically available for me to reach you.In fact, some people are just a few meters away and yet it feels like you're light years apart.

I don't remember the years anymore and how it made me feel. In my mind the bad times were put away like ashes been thrown out to the sea. I only reminisce the good times I had with special people I have in my life.

With a few bumps in the road that I encountered last week I've learned that some people just pass by to teach you lesson, to unravel some mysteries in your life, and like a test from God to know if you can resist the devil and pursue what is right. And like that person who keeps coming back to correct his mistakes will never be forgiven and better best forgotten. And those who help me be the better version of myself should be nourished and treasured for life. Indeed life is too short to spend it with people who don't see you through, who can't appreciate you.

There is a reason why it's there. And I'm glad you're one of them.

sometimes all you have to do is close your eyes and there it is : the reason why it's nice to get up in the morning and knowing you're just there. You have no idea how much you occupy my thoughts these days and waiting...

Note to self

“Live the life you wish to, date the man you wish to date, and stop looking to your family for affirmation for the choices that you make. Life is full of risks. You can’t live your life in fear of how people will judge you for following your dreams.”

— David Sullivan

“Life is short. Too short to waste a single second with anyone who doesn’t appreciate and value you.”

— Sarah Dessen

“Because what was the point in crying when there was no one there to comfort you? And what was worse, when you couldn’t even comfort yourself?”

— Cassandra Clare

No, you cannot be friends with anyone who betrayed you. You cannot let anybody just crawl back into your life like nothing happened. Sorry will never be enough. And you know that everything will never be the same again.

I am a type of person who gives chances. But once I said ENOUGH, nothing can ever change my mind. I treasure friends for eternity. I stick to them whatever happens. I love dearly. You can count on me whenever.

I am grateful to have found such wonderful people in my life who adds more color and beauty to my every life.

But if you hurt me more than once, sorry honey but I don't know you anymore.

“I sometimes think that people’s hearts are like deep wells. Nobody knows what’s at the bottom. All you can do is imagine by what comes floating to the surface every once in a while.”

— Haruki Murakami

My dreams are made of these

You never Fail to Make me Smile!

“Old lovers go the way of old photographs, bleaching out gradually as in a slow bath of acid: first the moles and pimples, then the shadings. Then the faces themselves, until nothing remains but the general outlines.”

— Margaret Atwood

“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.”

— Margaret Mitchell

“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”

— Barbara de Angelis

You just know when you had too much...

TEQUILA...
- can't be so sure of own room number
- brought someone Else's purse instead of own
-started mumbling in Russian, French and Arabic
- forgot to close the door, turn off the lights and the never-ending play list on the laptop
-when you wake up with a very bad hangover and yet guests still call you by name ( because you're smiling too much again trying to camouflage the banging inside your head)
-when you cannot remember anything from the previous night, with whom and to whom you owe a ride, an apology, an explanation or a kiss
-when you started arguing about lady gaga and justin bieber
-when you started seeing your Gay friend so handsome-ly attractive
-when you slept in the shower and
-when you just told yourself you will never drink again if you know you have work the next day

---- sorry I can only take so much----

“And every single thing you ever did that bothered me, is every single thing I miss.”

— I Wrote This For You: The Monsters I Miss

Take me Where You Are

Child Magnet

I took the Metro today and got lost. I took the other lane and brought me to other side of the city. I never take public transport since I moved when there used to be somebody to pick me up and drive me to almost everywhere. I never really had the chance to explore what real tourists feel when they go out there to discover things foreign to them. The scorching heat of the sun did not stop me to walk on foot and push doors to see what they offer. The sight and smell of the Old Dubai reminded me of my college days in Manila when I used to do night market with my best friend. Good deals, authentic local cuisine, street stories and pick-pockets and the commute, totally excruciating but real fun I must say.
The Summer Shopping festival is about to end and retail therapy has always been my favorite thing. I don't know how can I get over the stuff from Bath&Body Works. I know I cannot eat the scented candles and all but those lather-y stuff that smells so good but who cares they lift my spirits up and they made me sleep better. They sell them now 75% off so who can argue with that? Alright, I am spending way too much because they smell good. I promise I have enough of that stuff already.

On my way back, as I carefully examined if I am standing on the right lane a girl about seven was staring at me. I smiled and she came over to shake my hands. She was so sweet and asked how's my day been so far." Fine, thank you for being the first person to ask me". She touched my sundress and ran towards her mother with the black veil. Maybe she wants to borrow my dress when she's old enough because she doesn't want to be covered with that black thing from head to foot with only the eyes being exposed.

As I hurriedly went to Borders to meet my best friend for dinner I got stuck in the elevator with a couple with two young children. The boy is maybe about six and the girl is about two in a stroller. They kept yelling with excitement with their blue eyes glaringly at me when a tiny voice in my head started to ask when am I going to get those? Oh my, I have no idea.

In between bites and the local showbiz news with my bestie another Arabic kid came to our table out of nowhere. He was standing beside me. I asked him what he wants but apparently he's got no idea what I am talking about because I bet he doesn't know how to speak any English. With his long lashes and small curls, damn this kid is going to be heart-breaker, and then the father came who seems to be a heart-breaker himself.

As much as I don't want to get into conversation with regards to marriage and kids I guess I cannot escape from it. Yeah, it's our age. But I don't want to be like the rest who just want to get hitched because that's just how things should go when you reach a certain age. There's no point in looking back and wishing if only things were different between me and so-and-so maybe I am already having a boy or a girl and a husband and not a spinster sleeping alone in her my bed. Oh well, it's better to be patient than sorry.

Anyway at the moment, I'm alright being a child-magnet. I want to get married and all but right now I just want to finish my shopping.

“ I had not intended to love him: the reader knows I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; and now, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously revived, green and strong! He made me love him without looking at me. ”

- Jane Eyre

Note to self

Feel free. A plethora of frustrations left hanging behind. Be detached from all connections of the past. Traipse into an unexplored territory. Be exposed to a new environment. Get a taste of new and exotic flavors. Dance to foreign music. Sing to peculiar songs.

“Sometimes you gotta just take things for what they are and appreciate them, not try to label it or explain it. Explanations take the mystery out of it, you know?”

— Sarah Ockler

all-time-favorite

“It’s often just enough to be with someone. I don’t need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You’re not alone.”

— Marilyn Monroe

let's make out...here

Mind Talk

Our minds can take us anywhere we want to be. I can just sit here and think about some place and everything feels alright again. I get to the habit of time-travel, but only to those places that bring smile to my face.

We can imagine things that we don't have. We can envision something that may not happen anytime soon and somehow for me that brings positive energy. I can stick to that dream for as long as I can until I get it. It gives me power, it gives me the chills that yeah, I'm back on track.

Every day I get excited about the future. While I get to do things I always wanted to do at any given moment. It really is a gift just to have the time and resources and the confidence that everything is going to work out in the end.

I guess when you reached rock bottom time and time again, like the worst that could happen already happened, your greatest fear already passed, there's nothing out in this big bad world that can tear you down anymore.

( So when you can't find me I'm just about anywhere in my happy place where the sun is always shining without the intense Dubai humidity overlooking the beach where men are better lovers and they stick around. )

At this point, I'm much more content with the peace I have with myself. I sure miss the hugging and the kissing and the fooling around and just sleeping all day with nothing but the sound of each others breathing. I decided to just dream 'til reality gets better again.

We have the power to choose. I choose to be happy and hopeful in-love without the pain and the hassle. I am alone but not lonely. And I am loved without the disappointment.

So stay there, for I am just here.

I just know when I have too much time in my hands,
- i blog too much
- i eat little
-i shop more than needed
-i have so many excuses just to stay home
- i read even when traveling
- i have a very long list to do for the next week
-i can't stop thinking of you
- i sleep soundly
-I can't miss yoga
.... damn, can't wait for my OFF :-)

I am my heart’s undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow.

— Emilie Autumn

I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.

— Lisa Kleypas

“ Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies — Aristotle

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

— Lady Gaga

From My Window I see them

I don't know exactly how to start this post. There's just so many things in my mind right now and I get the habit of over analyzing things. I just know that I need to write, it's my primary outlet.

Things have changed dramatically since this year arrived. Everything seems so intense in every way. There were a lot surprises that have caught me off-guard and changes that seems so inevitable.

I spent the New Year alone in my room. From my window I watched the fireworks coming from the famous Burj Al Arab, from the Burj Khalifa, and from my own Atlantis. An hour before that I was happy being with the company of someone, whom I thought I would spend a million Christmases, New years, Birthdays and the works. But the cracks started to appear even more intensely right after that night in fact. My phone was undeniably busy as I send my love and regards to all the people close to my heart. I never even consider that it would be the last time I would greet my Mom Happy New Year. Who would have thought it would be her last year.

I am trying to discuss a point here. Just when I finally proclaimed that I have everything figured out and my plan is going perfectly, then it just turns out to be not. There's always a Higher Power above us who would approve what's best for us.

She got well after her battle from leukemia. Eight months to be exact until it came back to knock her down completely. I guess the most painful thing somebody can experience is see her loved-one suffer and you cannot do anything to help. When she asked me to come home as I break down in tears in my locker room I knew right then that it was IT. It breaks my heart to know that she will not be there anymore in our special occasions and her thoughtfulness just to make sure everybody's alright.

Although as we know, Life Goes On and she wants us to, I can't help but wish to just hold her one last time again and again. She's in a better place now where there is no hurt, no painful blood-transfusion, needles and a cocktail of pills. It's just hard to let go.

When a love relationship ends it sure is a battle. Somebody wants to work it out because of the intensity and the gravity of memories you had together. But when the person stop loving the other and he decided to stay only out of respect somehow I see it unfair. It's hard being always the giver, the one who is obliged to understand. It's exhausting to forgive and forget until your braincells go in coma. You know deep in your heart you deserve better and you still dream of that happiness with someone who really gets you. Maybe the reason as well why it's hard to let go of that relationship because it was your only point of reference. You never wanted anybody else before. And sure you thought he was everything you dream of until you wake up from the horrible nightmare.

And then a new day came and I realized I had enough of our love-hate tug-of-war and the unreliability of his promises. Is he going to let me down again, or do you think this time he 's going to make it? It's just so frustrating. So you go face to face with the devil and tell him to f**k off.

And then Life Goes On. I am in a better place now where there is no more sleepless nights, lipstick stains and nail polish bottles. I believe in the abundance of the universe and I can make it on my own. It was hard at first but everything worth having is hard in the beginning anyway or something like that.

When you're young and inexperienced and too ideal you just tend to loose the sight of what's real. We tend to follow our hearts too much instead of what is logic.

But there's one thing that I discovered. As I go through life in my solo state, I still feel like I am not walking alone. I am comfortable. In fact we can fall in- love with somebody we cannot see, we' re not speaking to in a daily basis, somebody we cannot have but we can OWN only in our little worlds of fantasy before reality sets in again.

I learned that to be able to really experience love and happiness in one you just have to really let go and never let anything or anybody hold you back. Savor every moment, experience that peace and faith you have with yourself.

It's all in the mind. So guard your thoughts. Everything is going to be alright. We can stay in-love for as long as you want to, you're my state of Bliss.--self

beautiful...

between the lines

sometimes you just have to listen through silence to be able to understand, i guess I'm afraid to know that I'm always on your mind...because YOU ARE ON MINE.

Inked

I've been meaning to get a tattoo. More and more I am feeling a stronger urge to get one as I reached this place in my life. I need to capture this moment, something that will remind me that "aha! I've finally made it!"
Do I need to ask my Dad? ... I'll think abawt it...
I really like Ala's on her ears....

take me here for the weekend...

Note to self

“The way I define happiness is being the creator of your experience, choosing to take pleasure in what you have, right now, regardless of the circumstances, while being the best you that you can be.”

---Leo Babauta

SOULMATE

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…"

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Love you in the distance

You make me free, free fallin' for you.
It doesn't matter if you think the other way around.
You have me in a distance.

i'm afraid I'll never see your face lights up again...

Flashback

I morphed again for a week, and the nights had been lovely. The Chihuly was magnificent and people behaves better at night. ( They just want to get their room, quickly!) And my friend Wenda never fail to amuse me. Days were nights for me and the metamorphosis is truly a blessing in disguise.

During the wee hours when I tried to fight sleep I couldn't help but dig something to entertain me. Then I came across somebody from the past. Try to Google any name you can think of and you might get surprised with what you can get.
Ah, I could still remember vividly how things were just so simple way back then. I don't know why my heart sunk when I saw it. I knew it would happen, I just saw that it could have been me, if I were a different person then. When I left Qatar in 09, it was all or nothing. Only the original plan was to finally settle in Singapore ( I had my ticket and all) and yet still ended up in AbuDhabi and Dubai.

I know they would end up together. He's a nice guy and I ignored it. And seeing them after two years resurfaced the what could have been's in my mind. Yeah right, but as my dear-mother always put things in perspective, I just hum the familiar tune of " everything happens for a reason".

Although I can honestly tell myself that I had finally come home to myself, that I feel truly happy and content just being with me I can't help but wonder somehow how it feels again to come home and have someone waiting for you, or just that significant other who can't wait to know how's your day been. Nights are colder and my pillow started complaining why I am squeezing them too tight. Well, better get used to it for now.

Apparently, I had enough of those relationship drama. Right now I decided to just take a vacation from it and just concentrate on discovering more about life and my passions.

I get a new class that I will attend in a couple of weeks, a new "job" that I've been meaning to get for as long as I can remember, and most importantly just having a brand new perspective about life and love, I think I will be more than okay.

single and happy?... i am.

She had just realized there were two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expected it. For at that moment, all our fears suddenly surface: the fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing forever everything that is familiar.”

— Paulo Coelho

"In the space between yes and no, there’s a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you’ll tell yourself in the future."
Jodi Picoult (Change of Heart)

that 90s feel

I hear his voice every day. I wonder how he gets all his strength to face his daily battles. He goes around and around trying to find that comfortable place when his memories no longer hurt.

I feel him here. I feel the same. This ordinary pain and yet when I think about the gravity it will drive me insane. Some don't deserve to occupy a space while others do and lasts for a lifetime even you only meet once or twice.

There's a lot of mysteries. And each day, a thing or two pronounce its existence. Even when you're tired of fighting you have to, there's nothing else you can do.

If you feel like you finally came home, then it's fine. It's not the first time. You've been in this road before once or twice and more. It's not new.
You care too much. You feel too much. Use your head. There's a reason why it's there.
---- words from a stranger @THE METRO