Monday, August 31, 2015
Teaching him early
Husband is getting jealous when Sasha asks for me all the time and not him. I told him, like any other guy, it's just about the boobie.
Still, the weather is burning us all alive in a way, hot enough to melt plastic bottles left in the car. Poor Sasha all he gets to experience is our almost daily trips to the supermarket.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Saturday, August 15, 2015
It's a Brand New Day
Oh I can't wait 'til the weather becomes cooler. My little love is really getting bored in the house. Haha. Thankfully hubby is on leave so we can easily ask him to drive us around for a quick stroll just to change scenery. Until now he can't be left alone in his car seat. I still need to sit with him at the back while entertaining him with songs, food, toys etc.He always cry on top of his voice. I feel sorry for our neighbors really. My baby could be the next Opera singer or something.
We are still going back and forth decorating the flat. I asked him to get me a nice Art piece for the wall. One of our Ukrainian couple friend said there are also going crazy decorating their own. Wahaha. I love interior design. I wish I can switch career that easy.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Tough Week
I never imagine how it's gonna be but honestly I never wanted to feel that way ever again.
My little man got sick last week. What we thought was an ordinary persistent cold turn out to be something else. Getting by the scorching Dubai weather left us helpless. The highs and lows of humidity can get little babies prone to so many infections. I was confident that the wonders of breastfeeding can spare my child but I was wrong. A few days after we celebrated his 8th month we ended up rushing him to the hospital for swollen face. It was scary.
He fell off the bed too, before that. Oh man. It's tough being a mom. My heart shattered in a million little pieces. I blew my frustrations to my poor husband. Thank God that he turned out to be the great man that he always is and never tried to pick a fight with me. All along we thought the bruise on his face was the product of that nasty fall. Sasha crawls like a pro if there's a better definition. He moves like a wrestler and uses his arms and legs like a full-grown adult. Oh well. I can't find the exact words to describe him nowadays. Doctor advised for a CT scan which was a hard ordeal since Sasha won't sleep unless he's sucking my boobie. And the apparatus won't take the mom and the baby to process the image. We gave him sedatives to put him to sleep but no luck once we put him down he wakes up and wails like a police siren. Doctor couldn't diagnose yet until she gets the scan. So the whole day we spent trying to pacify him and soothe his pain. As he cries I cry like a helpless child as well. It's much painful for me seeing him suffer. I was a mess. I was mad at myself , with the world and the entire universe. I wanted nothing but for him to feel better.
Thank God it was just a sinusitis gone really bad that no antibiotic can:t fix. But you know sinusitis can be very painful. And for a small child who communicates only through his cries it took us a while to figure out that the cold was not just an ordinary cold. Oh love you have no idea what you're made of.
Blessed and grateful that he is okay now. No fracture whatsoever from falling off the bed. Now fully recovering and looking like the beautiful little fellow that he is. Sleepless nights were really hard but I am lucky to have this sweet guy I am married to.
I wouldn't forget how this made me feel and how my little Sasha looked like when he's in pain. Mommy doensn't want to have any of that if possible. But you know how little boys are, growing up. More falls and cuts and bruises. Oh God help us and protect us all the time.
And this is one of the things I am thakful for that I am not working at the moment. I know everything about him. This period is priceless.
My little man got sick last week. What we thought was an ordinary persistent cold turn out to be something else. Getting by the scorching Dubai weather left us helpless. The highs and lows of humidity can get little babies prone to so many infections. I was confident that the wonders of breastfeeding can spare my child but I was wrong. A few days after we celebrated his 8th month we ended up rushing him to the hospital for swollen face. It was scary.
He fell off the bed too, before that. Oh man. It's tough being a mom. My heart shattered in a million little pieces. I blew my frustrations to my poor husband. Thank God that he turned out to be the great man that he always is and never tried to pick a fight with me. All along we thought the bruise on his face was the product of that nasty fall. Sasha crawls like a pro if there's a better definition. He moves like a wrestler and uses his arms and legs like a full-grown adult. Oh well. I can't find the exact words to describe him nowadays. Doctor advised for a CT scan which was a hard ordeal since Sasha won't sleep unless he's sucking my boobie. And the apparatus won't take the mom and the baby to process the image. We gave him sedatives to put him to sleep but no luck once we put him down he wakes up and wails like a police siren. Doctor couldn't diagnose yet until she gets the scan. So the whole day we spent trying to pacify him and soothe his pain. As he cries I cry like a helpless child as well. It's much painful for me seeing him suffer. I was a mess. I was mad at myself , with the world and the entire universe. I wanted nothing but for him to feel better.
Thank God it was just a sinusitis gone really bad that no antibiotic can:t fix. But you know sinusitis can be very painful. And for a small child who communicates only through his cries it took us a while to figure out that the cold was not just an ordinary cold. Oh love you have no idea what you're made of.
Blessed and grateful that he is okay now. No fracture whatsoever from falling off the bed. Now fully recovering and looking like the beautiful little fellow that he is. Sleepless nights were really hard but I am lucky to have this sweet guy I am married to.
I wouldn't forget how this made me feel and how my little Sasha looked like when he's in pain. Mommy doensn't want to have any of that if possible. But you know how little boys are, growing up. More falls and cuts and bruises. Oh God help us and protect us all the time.
And this is one of the things I am thakful for that I am not working at the moment. I know everything about him. This period is priceless.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
In a day like today
It's almost like a miracle now whenever I find Sasha sleeping soundly alone in the bed. It's been a struggle since we moved here. Like me, it's not an easy transition. But I am beyond grateful for God's provision. He is my Enabler. He made things possible for us. He is amazing.
Forgive me when I drown myself in self-pity whenever the realities of motherhood sets in. Hah. Human.Being. Sometimes I don't even know myself anymore whenever I caught myself talking to myself. Evil certainly lurks in. It's so easy to entertain negative thoughts, doubts, and fears.We have so many expectations and forget to do the work. We endlessly compare our lives to others not knowing our lives are different and we should be thankful for it. We are set to face our own unique circumstances and we alone are able to overcome them.
Life is indeed much simpler when you're not working. There were days when it passes like a slow boring documentary but at times they go like a an episode of Candidly Nicole ( oh I love her..) I can't believe I can juggle so much in one day. Baby-laundry-cooking-skype-Workout-Husband and so much in between. But I love every moment of it. I like to savor every breath, every confusion, every mistake. It makes me realize I am learning gradually towards becoming a better person I was yesterday. Patience comes with a price I guess and I am waiting for my reward. I have no regrets choosing family life now more than career. It all came clear to me.
We should always be mindful of our blessings.
It's silly losing self-confidence because so-and-so said this. Or that IG account looks so flawless. And she looks so hot in that denim overalls, and her hair always in place. Whatever. It's so yesterday. Perfect is boring. And I love me for me. Flaws and all, and fuc* it! I have abs now!
And when in doubt, wear red lipstick. Yes, I am talking to myself.
Forgive me when I drown myself in self-pity whenever the realities of motherhood sets in. Hah. Human.Being. Sometimes I don't even know myself anymore whenever I caught myself talking to myself. Evil certainly lurks in. It's so easy to entertain negative thoughts, doubts, and fears.We have so many expectations and forget to do the work. We endlessly compare our lives to others not knowing our lives are different and we should be thankful for it. We are set to face our own unique circumstances and we alone are able to overcome them.
Life is indeed much simpler when you're not working. There were days when it passes like a slow boring documentary but at times they go like a an episode of Candidly Nicole ( oh I love her..) I can't believe I can juggle so much in one day. Baby-laundry-cooking-skype-Workout-Husband and so much in between. But I love every moment of it. I like to savor every breath, every confusion, every mistake. It makes me realize I am learning gradually towards becoming a better person I was yesterday. Patience comes with a price I guess and I am waiting for my reward. I have no regrets choosing family life now more than career. It all came clear to me.
We should always be mindful of our blessings.
It's silly losing self-confidence because so-and-so said this. Or that IG account looks so flawless. And she looks so hot in that denim overalls, and her hair always in place. Whatever. It's so yesterday. Perfect is boring. And I love me for me. Flaws and all, and fuc* it! I have abs now!
And when in doubt, wear red lipstick. Yes, I am talking to myself.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Changes
It's been weeks since we left Manila. But my baby is still in the process of getting to know everyone even his dad. He finds our tiny apartment too tiny to explore his curiosity. No more long walker walks in the hard pebble- floors to pick some leaves and chase the dogs wailing aimlessly at our front porch. No more sounds of birds greeting him in the morning when he wakes up and that distinct smell of fresh air and stale food whenever we forget something to store in the fridge. I wonder how my little eight-month old is coping with change.
Mom has a different story. It's been a year since I received my last paycheck. Although I certainly feel that I am now in my own body I still feel like I am living someone else's life. I am not saying it's a bad thing. Sometimes it just gets too overwhelming. Like setting priorities and expectations, setting goals and chasing dreams: old and new. There's so many things to consider first, and get approval of before heading forward.
This period of adjustment is like coming to your first day at school when you're in highschool. I want to be cool. I want to fit-in. I want to be the excellent mom and this gorgeous wife with her waif figure. I want to be admired and accepted for the new and the old me. I am still getting in the process of knowing myself all over again.
Last week, we went out to meet some of his old friends from his old workplace where we both used to work. I was not the type to get over-excited to meet some new folks but that time I felt like I need to prove something. His friends know me from his stories but they never met me. He's got lots of female friends and acquiantances and somehow it makes me feel conscious to present myself. Sometimes I can't help but overanalyze why he chose me. There's so many gorgeous young women out there from where he's from and from all over the world who could be wishing he's not yet married and that thought kinda leaves a gnawing feeling inside me. Sort of a shadow of doubt starts to creep in. How can I keep up with them? Is this even right to feel this way?
I am happy to be a new mom. I am happy to be married. But the pressure of both can sometimes leave me hanging at the edge of the cliff. What else needs to be done? Am I missing something here?
I decided to read more and get myself more educated and in-the know even when I spend most of my waking ( and sometimes my sleeping) hours feeding and changing diapers. I cannot slack off. I cannot be lost with the tides rolling by with youth. While the rest around me is spinning with the glam and glitz of just being able to provide for their own.
I don't like not having my own money. But I can't leave my child crying for mommy all day long. It's a hard choice to make.
Mom has a different story. It's been a year since I received my last paycheck. Although I certainly feel that I am now in my own body I still feel like I am living someone else's life. I am not saying it's a bad thing. Sometimes it just gets too overwhelming. Like setting priorities and expectations, setting goals and chasing dreams: old and new. There's so many things to consider first, and get approval of before heading forward.
This period of adjustment is like coming to your first day at school when you're in highschool. I want to be cool. I want to fit-in. I want to be the excellent mom and this gorgeous wife with her waif figure. I want to be admired and accepted for the new and the old me. I am still getting in the process of knowing myself all over again.
Last week, we went out to meet some of his old friends from his old workplace where we both used to work. I was not the type to get over-excited to meet some new folks but that time I felt like I need to prove something. His friends know me from his stories but they never met me. He's got lots of female friends and acquiantances and somehow it makes me feel conscious to present myself. Sometimes I can't help but overanalyze why he chose me. There's so many gorgeous young women out there from where he's from and from all over the world who could be wishing he's not yet married and that thought kinda leaves a gnawing feeling inside me. Sort of a shadow of doubt starts to creep in. How can I keep up with them? Is this even right to feel this way?
I am happy to be a new mom. I am happy to be married. But the pressure of both can sometimes leave me hanging at the edge of the cliff. What else needs to be done? Am I missing something here?
I decided to read more and get myself more educated and in-the know even when I spend most of my waking ( and sometimes my sleeping) hours feeding and changing diapers. I cannot slack off. I cannot be lost with the tides rolling by with youth. While the rest around me is spinning with the glam and glitz of just being able to provide for their own.
I don't like not having my own money. But I can't leave my child crying for mommy all day long. It's a hard choice to make.
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