Friday, March 29, 2013



The poor man's meal

 I can't believe that right now I am suffering from a very bad cold and tremendous body ache when I woke up this morning feeling like a  superwoman. I could have caught a virus in the supermarket this morning. Damn, I can't believe I have to live with this when I have an early morning flight tomorrow.

  My recent Shanghai escapade was just amazing in every word. Three days of shopping, discovering and eating is an ideal way to live. Only when I was "actually" working that I I felt like I was being punished for something I did wrong in the past.

  Given that the flight was full but I did not expect that I will be scrutinized under a microscope for 17 hours. Every move I made, every word I said has been put to black and white and graded eventually. Sort of I went back to high school and my teacher just gave me a C or worse an F.  Now I have to review everything work-wise.


   What's not to love about yoga? It gives you peace and a hot body. Certainly now I consider I can't live without it.
   
     So today after an hour or so doing my poses I decided to immediately go to the nearby supermarket since the weather is getting warmer I better move quickly before it burns. I carefully choose the healthy stuff and avoid the aisle where they keep the sugary goods since  I know I won't be able to resist them.

I had enough veggies for a week and fruits whenever I crave something sweet.

    I was not expecting to find a line in the check-out counter on an early Friday morning since people normally stay up late on Thursdays and wake up late on a Friday. But today it's as if everyone decided to wake up early  to cook their early lunch. I had my basket full and carried them with all my strength when I noticed a middle-aged guy who looked tensed standing just behind me. He was moving a lot and I was beginning to feel rush to finish my purchases. I realized that he bought only  a 2-dirham dried fish  and just getting impatient. I looked at him closely and suddenly I was back again in my home town.

    For most of us, we decided to leave our homes in search of a better life. It's been years since I had tasted those 2-dirham dried fish locally made. It's usually my mom who prepared the "tuyo"  ( the dried fish) whenever she's having chocolate porridge for breakfast. The saltiness of the fish just complements perfectly with the sweetness of the porridge.But back home, if your eating that kind of fish when your not eating the porridge it means something else- Cutting back, Can't afford anything else. It's the poor man's meal. 

     Not everyone has been given a fair chance to prosper. Not everyone is lucky getting paid well in doing something probably they don't even enjoy doing and yet they choose to sacrifice just for them to be able to send money to their loved-ones.

     Lately, I've been complaining a lot about things that don't go my way. Just today , like a thunderbolt it hit me that even though everything is not perfect I should be grateful.

      Growing up I was lucky enough to have parents who can afford us of giving every whims of our hearts. Only later when I was about to enter College that I have to learn by force to get by with so little. But instead of feeling sorry for myself and hating the world for the misfortunes I turned my frustrations to fuel in making my dreams happen.

   Seeing the poor man today in the check-out line breaks my heart. When salary just came and he's settling for the fish made me reflect better on what this life is all about. I saw my old self again and I still vividly remembers how it feels.

     It's silly that I let some little things to occupy so much in my heart that I forget to count my blessings. When I am feeling so desperate to have a new Signature bag I should keep in mind that some of my countrymen can't even afford to buy a decent healthy meal, that when I choose to spend mindlessly I should consider investing it or saving it for some future plans.
 
   We may not have everything we want now, but certainly God will always provide us with everything we need.
     Don't forget to be thankful ...

  Have a blessed Good Friday! 

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Saturday, March 23, 2013





#love and other drugs

You held my hand close to your heart as I dive into
the madness of your arrival, suddenly everything
shines brighter. Seeing your train reaching the
platform my heart skips, I don't want you to go.
In the most bizarre of things it feels amazing to
find a soul as deep as mine and tasting your
kisses as sweet as my morning sunshine.

My failed attempt to get a tan...





#left- **Freezing, sun failed to come out- sand storm on the rise  ****#right-2dirtyfeet


this is what happens when you wear your earrings when swimming...it tangles with the hair! 


mmmm.... skinny girl meets skinny boy #hotness


my bb....


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

awwwww!!!! hotness!

#dreams # goals # thoughts

  Pursue.  I heard her call me. 
  Sometimes we don't get what we want when we want it. There's a lot of holes. There's a lot of detours. Left with more questions. Left with more longing. If dreams are planted right to the utmost depth of our hearts why it's just so hard for everything to materialize? How much more  sweat and blood and tears to get there? I want to punch the wall. I want to scream 'til I break my throat, or something. 

 I know I belong to where I dream to be. 
I know I am created and gifted to prosper. I know my thirst for change will soon be quenched. 
So I will still hang in here, 'til they call my name. 

Sunday, March 17, 2013



Here comes the Sun!





Dear God,


Thank you for another day. The sun came peeking through my curtain as I heard the workers banging their tools in the  nearby building. I am all-set for a new adventure; my senses are working well.

Thank you for giving me the strength and the  courage to face my daily battles. Although every day is not a good one guaranteed I can honestly say that my hopes spring from you.

I ask thee Oh Lord, to free my mind from worries, my heart from hurt and my eyes from hate whenever things don't go my way. Kindly always remind me that I am your daughter and you are still not done with me.

Please provide me the understanding and the humility whenever I face challenges with my work and with my loved-ones. Help me reach out with an open hand and an open heart for us to communicate better.

Protect my relationships Oh Lord. Give us guidance as we thread our journey to righteousness.
Build my character. Help me love unselfishly. Clear me. Purify me. Only lead me to the best path. Keep me away from evil.

Nourish my heart with your love. Provide me the wisdom to make the right decisions.
and most of all bless me with the holy spirit especially whenever I feel like hitting the lows.


I ask these in Jesus Mighty name...

AMEN

Thursday, March 14, 2013















Bonjour!

It looks so sunny outside. The heavy snow which poured heavily over the weekend started to melt. I decided to just take a walk and set - aside the thought of visiting Champs Élysées, since I am so not buying a Chanel bag. I put on just my black jeans and a casual shirt with sleeves and bring along my coat just in case it gets freezing. I booked a hotel car to take me to a small French village where I can buy wine, cheese, sausages and of course croissants. It only took a mere 5minutes to get there. Old houses with their roofs covered with snow,old French women selling fresh produce in this extraordinarily lovely Thursday afternoon in Paris is not so bad rather than battling over insomnia in my lonely hotel bed.
I stared in amazement how cheap the food stuff were in this small village somewhere in the French countryside. Everybody speak French and I got weird response whenever I converse with them in English.
One thing that I will never exchange about having this job is the opportunity to live my wildest dreams. I used to fantasize this way way back in my early days. Be a certified vagabond. I don't mind being a French nomad for a year, that's a dream.
In the very near future I would plan to spend a summer here where I can start writing a book, spend my mornings wrestling in the market and flirt with the French language as I learn it by heart.
Oh well, that summer dream is still a thought away, and for now I am busy defrosting...
Happy weekend everyone!






Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A sudden Encounter

   There's nothing special about her, only that she can crack a joke any minute and you will instantly fall in-love with her. She gazed at me with those dark eyes with her pearly whites as she narrated another hilarious story. I wonder why she never gets tired of talking and laughing at the same time. And yet somehow her insurmountable amount of energy made a 14-hour flight easier to bear.

    She's just happy. All the time. Even when every time is not pleasant. I see courage , a high amount of that in her. Even when not everything is perfect she's trying to make the most of it, ALL THE TIME.


    I have never felt threatened or jealous for such a long time. I thought all those days of insecurity are gone for good. Just when I thought the hidden skeletons in the closet were buried down, they came back to haunt me.

     A long time ago, which felt like a hundred years down memory lane I was playing hide-and-seek with a friend. She comes every night to tell lies in my head. She fills my imagination with crazy images that will certainly drive me over the edge.It just so happened that most of them were real, or just happened to come true. Her voice was screaming strongly in my head when I caught my ex-lover having numerous affairs while I  was gone busy with work. When a strenuous relationship ends the ugly fragments of that seems to stick like stain in my perfectly ironed white skirt. It's hard to remove the side effects of a bad medicine and when the symptoms came back I was caught off guard to face it.

     I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't eat well. I was shaking all over. Like some heavy dark clouds literally shadowing  my perfect blue sky. What is going on?

     At work, where everyone preach Rihanna "shine bright like a diamond!" I ended up working so hard that I got lost track of how much pressure I am putting myself in. I settled my account before where I used to think that everything is a race and a competition only a few days back I felt like I can never accept a second place. I got weary. I got irritated. I was not happy.

     When a significant other missed to call or send a message I simply went ballistic. I allowed myself to be tormented by doubts. I wallow in self-pity and obsessive questioning what went wrong down there. My insides went upside-down. In an instant, my dark days- where all hell broke loose came back to ruin me. I cried myself asking God to deliver me again from this mess. I don't want pain to replace the peace I have worked hard to achieve. I don't want to find myself again going through the motions of a broken heart, because I know it's harder to mend a broken spirit; the punches and the bruises can heal in days while a spirit can take months or forever. 

    Suddenly as I prayed intently and wrestled with my negative thoughts I began to catch some sleep. The voice I hear at night will not be right all the time. She can trick me anytime she wants. It can just be the enemy whispering her usual evil.

    I realized that only my relationship with God can help me fight with my own devils.

"Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."- Psalm 62:6

     Everyone is unique. I may not be the best from the other's point of view  but I will always strive to  be the best for myself. It's stressful to always compete and try to please others when the simple task is only make sure I am alright on my own and that I am being true to myself. 

    It's hard to trust someone when you've been in that road before and got disappointed. I know I have to invest more faith and pray that if God has given me the opportunity to be loved again He too, will make sure everything will work out  for the best. I don't need to be scared. I have to spread my wings and open my eyes when I reach higher grounds. 

   So I'm trying to get back on my feet, teaching myself again that It's alright. It's going to be alright and shutting up the lies spoken by the enemy. 

   

Stay

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Catching sleep

As I lay awake in bed trying to catch some decent sleep I can't help my mind from over thinking. Suddenly I feel my thoughts are taking me somewhere I shouldn't. I just need to rest and drink more chamomile tea. A few sip of wine knocked me off for a good six hours and yet I still feel like I need half of my day ahead to recharge. I don't feel like going out for lunch later either. The indoor pool in the hotel looks promising but I just feel like staying in bed. For some reason, I world rather have a broken bone than a broken spirit.

Friday, March 1, 2013




Hello March!

 February wrapped up like a breeze. I can't believe that today is the first day of March. Somehow it sure felt like I was on vacation for a month. If I am going to be on my reserved month next time it would be really nice to have some concrete schedule to fall back into when getting on a flight seems impossible, like what I did now.  It was indeed a whole month of fun and discovering myself again with another person. It made the whole waiting game so much easier.

Anyway, this new month gives me so much hope. My dear scheduler was able to roster me to my favorite destinations. This time I am going to work indeed. It's high time that I get to rest first before they put me on ultra long range flights again.

I realized that I am spending too much time on Instagram. It's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. It's so much easier now to find inspiration whether it's fitness, fashion or getting into a new lifestyle. On the other hand I noticed that I tend to spend less time in doing things that are more important. No wonder  I had neglected to make some important phone calls to some people and why I suddenly lost the interest to win a friend whenever I can. I feel quite lost.

For two consecutive days now I am completely getting obsessed to work-out like an athlete. I want to build some muscles and chisel my abs once again. I can't identify what kind of pressure I am suddenly getting myself in but one thing is sure :  I just want to feel good about myself. When a cloud of self-doubt starts building up my horizon I know it's time to get my ass going. I feel this surge wave of energy to keep on improving and achieve more to the greatest of my ability. It's always been like that. My life is a stairwell . Up and Up you go.


I don't know if it's the age thing that I ended up downloading Sex and the City. I am on the verge of my late-twenties and tons of questions starts popping one by one. The pressure to settle-down and be on top of my career is like a sharp broken glass cutting deep in my veins. Sometimes I find myself staring into space wondering where I am headed. Who is my Prince and where is he? When's my next promotion? and Why all of my single friends have gotten married or got engaged  or pregnant? I can't relate to the baby talks. And I don't get invited to their secret meet-up. Oh well, what a single-happy-girl can do? My name hasn't been called yet.


As I ponder deep, I am happy. I can't complain more from this solid stability I have as a single girl. I own my time and besides I don't feel like I am running out of reasons to smile. I have an acceptable amount of admirers at bay and I am dating a special someone who takes my breath away. Career-wise, I know I am doing my best and will do more to get there. People will never stop asking questions- their why and when's are not my sole responsibility. Others will never stop expecting that you're life will turn out the way they hoped and I will just smile whenever it happens. Maybe I am bound to some exciting but  different destination. Only God knows what's ahead and I know He's my faithful sailor and my loving Savior. He will deliver me to my best path.


All I have to do is live my life. To learn to love when it's been given and to learn to let go when it's time.

 I know one day I will have my " and they lived happily ever after",thing  I just have to have more faith to keep me going.