Sunday, April 28, 2013






i'm coming home...

All my bags are packed, oh so ready to go...

I'm half excited and half terrified. I'm not so thrilled of the fact that summer in the Philippines is as good as visiting a sauna house-- that hot and humid. I am just happy to see my folks and have  some well deserved me-time for a change. I have no concrete plan in mind. I am not so sure if I will come visit some old friends and travel far. I want to take this trip like a soul-retreat, and  mind and body makeover. Visiting medical clinics are on top of my list and maybe some soul-searching on the side if I can convince my family to go with  me for camping in the mountains. Let's see.

I am blissfully happy at this point in my life.
I am at the final year of my twenties and that just freaks me out. However, I am optimistic.
I cannot tell what the future holds, right now I just want to be brave enough to face it.

It's not the best feeling to feel vulnerable. I feel like being squeezed by two giants.
I know its not good to worry. Sometimes I just can't avoid it.
I really need this trip somehow.
I wonder how it feels to be missed. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Bangkok on the First day

#thankGodforHongKongAirportForFreeWiFi









Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Blame it on the Pancakes

It's important to carefully choose what to feed our minds as well as its equally important with whom we choose to spend most of our time with. Between work commitments and rendezvous with friends and significant other I spend most of my time with my mind having its usual self monologue.
And during these times my mind adrift to places I have never been before. Some are pictures of a promising future while at times just dark hollow places. And there comes a time when I imagine life seemingly pushing me at the edge of the cliff . Should I jump or step back? What are the chances that my parachute will open just in time before I reach the ground? Or how bigger is the risk of me having broken bones and be shattered into a million pieces and never be found?
After a long flight here I am having lunch of pancakes and sausages in my empty flat where the sound of the construction nearby is my only sole comfort giving me an illusion that I am not alone.
I originally agreed to join a friend to go sunbathing today in a posh hotel in Sheikh Zayed but she got pulled out to do airport standby. All of my best friends from elementary days to my now adult self have all decided to live in Canada, Norway and UK. It's quite hard to schedule an intense girl-bonding session in Skype given their work loads and time difference . So yeah, I can really make -use of a friendship that is about to blossom.

There's no way that we can find answers on our own. That's why we need constant interaction with people to know the truth. When I tend to have doubts and fears start to crawl in I know I am in big trouble. So I gather facts. Read and from time to time consult Youtube University and Google College. And yet sometimes it leaves me as confuse as ever. So I ask people and they are more delighted to share their opinions. Little did I know that some of what they are going to say were not the ones I would like to hear. Every flight during our mindless Galley Gossiping when all the passengers are already well-fed and heavily drunk and now snoring loudly in their suites and seats there goes our usual discussion of life, sex, marriage, not-wanting to get married and the hopeful quest for Mr. Right, if he ever exists. And yesterday was about pregnancy since one Korean girl just came back from Maternity leave. Her eyes grow big whenever she describes the pain and the joy of giving birth, her considering a boob-job and how she terribly misses her little one waiting for her. It sounds so ideal. I can't help finding myself climbing in the clouds of fantasy.

I grew up having both set of parents who are lovingly looking after each other all throughout their marriage until my mom passed away almost two years ago. I still vividly remember how they kissed in front of us while we almost by default say"yuck " in disgust. They do fight once in a while like normal couple and it's always Dad who gives in. Mom is the tough chick who terrorize us with her vocal chords while Dad harmonize his way to get what he wants. Dad was the boss in the company before he retires. He was my first hero and my idea of a Prince Charming. I always find his calmness and tactfullness to be great assets. Calm and collected under pressure. Way back his "hotness" days in his coat and tie persona before he settles to faded jeans and loose shirts at this point in time it cannot be denied that chicks dig him. I recalled one time during one event when we drove all the way to the city somewhere in the North there were couple of old single women flirting with him when Mom gets busy taking care of the food. But there was never a time they quarrel about ladies trying to get his attention. I don't know how my Mom who acts like an erupting volcano whenever she's pissed gathers herself too well. I am the jealous type and now that she's gone I am left with no clue just memories on how she constantly prays for him whenever and wherever.

If only women are designed to live just for themselves and not programmed to be be caregivers to their husbands and offsprings I would not bother to take the plunge. It's just not the case and that some point in our lives will desire to settle down and procreate. And times have changed. Women who keep their legs crossed are gone by the wind. They devour men like hunters in the wild forests. One of my greatest fear is to meet a woman who lost all her morality and will just grab anyone for food as she scratch her well-painted nails in my husband's back. And they are everywhere playing with no boundaries . There are only a handful of our kind who aren't like them. There are still some who are well -grounded and decent to step back to a man who is married or committed. While the good kind do everything to keep her man. He should do the same and immediately cut the advances of some desperate ones. Believe me if you hang out with people who are addicted to marijuana chances are great you will join them later. Same goes with entering a bakeshop convincing yourself you will not grab some cupcakes. Who doesn't like flattery? I automatically turned scarlet whenever a hunk gave me a second look and when the Captain invited me to sit in the flight deck for take off and landing. But that's just it. I learned from my parents that if you really love someone just the thought of hurting that person will make you sick to your stomach and the fear of The Lord is the first step of Knowledge.
No amount of love and gifts can prevent someone to go astray. But I believe that prayers can be very effective and work wonders in the relationship.
If you found someone who is confident enough to step back from temptations and proves their love every single day as they pronounce these words to you, well you get yourself a Keeper.
And maybe this is enough reason to jump from the cliff and trust the parachute.


Lord Jesus, forgive me for my worries. Your Word says that Perfect love drives out fear. I want to know that type of love. Help me realize your love for me in ways I've never known before. Help me to trust .

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How would You Know?


we both realised early on that what we were building was unlike anything we’d made before. There were no doubts and no ‘what ifs’ that our past lives could have been any better than the possibilities now put in front of us.
And that is when I think you know, when every part of you says that a life without this person just isn’t an option and, just as importantly, they say the same about you.

borrowed post from www.catjuan.com  #the1


Beyond

 I suddenly felt that I was about to cry.

 I had a very "moving" session today with one of my spiritual leaders. Sort of, more and more we spend each time together the more  thirsty I become to know the truth and to make things right.

  I still consider this life I have now as a second chance, another lease on life. That's why I appreciate it a lot.  A few years back you will not even like me. I am the person you would perhaps avoid. I was just this sad ball of negative energy. But God is good and he just didn't heal my heart in fact he gave me a brand new heart to start fresh.

I have changed a lot. I am more secure now on my own. I know my value and I get to put high value to my relationships as well now that I learned the difference.

Physical beauty can only take you to some extent but its the purity of the heart that lasts and can withstand any storm. I resolved to devote more time to nourish my mind and my heart. There is no such thing as perfection. I just want to be the best version of myself and help others bring the best in them too.

I still get insecure from time to time like any other woman. The only difference now is that I am confident to showcase what I have that others don't. And if people won't like it  I would be just as secure to walkaway. 

Have I already tasted?

LTU #thoughts



Tuesday, April 16, 2013

If only I look this cute when I'm having a panic-attack



Moving still

 I was planning to do some errands today. Woke up early, did my usual morning yoga, collect the clothes I washed yesterday and ironed them and when I was about to change clothes I suddenly felt dizzy, nauseous- the same feeling while I'm inside the aircraft experiencing turbulence. I decided to stand still. My bed is soft and it was somehow moving.  I stared at my window and I saw how the curtains were swaying like it never did before. I heard some strange cracking noise coming from the ceiling and then I saw how the lights started swaying as well like leaves in a very windy day. I looked carefully outside and saw that the high-rise building just a few blocks away from mine was actually dancing vertically. Oh no.

I felt a surge of panic. I looked for my door keys , took my phone and my IPAD. Strangely, the radio stopped playing. It was scariest and most silent 60 seconds of my life. I felt my hands turning icy cold.  The earth was shaking. This is not turbulence. I am not inside the aircraft. I was completely clueless what to do next. I want to run straight to the stairwells but too shocked to even make a slight movement, like I was paralyzed for a moment. I sent a message to my beau. I started calling my cousin. No response. I was so scared to leave my flat worrying that my entire building will come crushing down even before I reach  the ground floor. I started praying. I was decided to knock the door of my flatmate to convince her to do something. And luckily she opened her door even before I knock. We started talking like we'd never seen each other for about a hundred years. I saw terror in her eyes as she look at the lights in my room swaying. Just when we were about to ran down the hall, it stopped. The movement. The earth is stable now. Breathe. Breathe. More.

And the next thing I know I logged in my social network and found everyone sharing how terrifying that was.

What is unknown to us is the reason why we fear. Back home we normally experience terrible earthquakes now and then. But I was never alone facing it. I usually know where I can hide under. Looking around my flat there isn't really something that can protect me from falling objects. I might as well just ran for my life. I hope and pray that the buildings in UAE are strong enough to withstand this kind of calamity.

I remember what my mom used to tell me about how our house was built. She chose not to have a second floor  because she was very much terrified of quakes. She did not like staying in high floors too when outside and always vigilant for emergency exits.

'Seems like I have a thorough safety and security checks to be done in my building.

Be safe everyone!
#EarthquakeShocked


It's really all about you, baby


Here’s a secret I learned long ago, the type of people we attract to become our friends, lovers, etc. is almost entirely dependent on the type of energy we let out into universe. For instance, if I was a cynic who thought love equaled pain and men were dogs, then I’d be covering myself in a large layer of toxic energy that would make nasty like-minded people gravitate towards me like flies to garbage.
Which is why I never understand people who complain that their friends can’t be trusted or that the men they date are sadly pathetic. Rather than look outward and blame the world, why don’t these people first try to understand what it is about themselves and their own attitudes that welcomes this type of negative energy.
It’s not rocket science. It’s about taking control of your own destiny and understanding that you have the power to bend the universe to give you the life you want by first deciding the type of person you want to be.


credits to another favorite blog I've been following : www.catjuan.com 


Monday, April 15, 2013

Honest to Goodness

  So I am back here in my beloved Dubai after Tokyo. Expected to just chill and relax for three days before heading back to freezing London. I love the concept of traveling. I love the idea of being always on the go. On my off days it's very rare that I spend all  the days just lying in bed watching Glee or the Big Bang Theory. I divide my offs among my passion for yoga, pampering myself with home-made spa treatments, re-connecting with friends and enjoying time with my beau. I love my job, because somehow it doesn't feel like I am working at all. I love what I do and I do what I love. Imagining myself going back to a 9-5 job just give me shivers down my back. Certainly, I don't like to be tied up in the computer the whole day without some real people interaction. I like the good surprises that comes with my current profession. Each 26th day of the month gives me a different kind of excitement as my roster will tell me where I will be busting my ass off for the upcoming month.

   Sadly, not everything is perfect. There are some bumps in the road just like with other areas in our lives. Lately, I have been a victim of racism and discrimination among my peers. I learned to be calm and collected even when in the middle of an awkward encounter, thanks to my extensive experience in handling guest complaints. Most of the time, I keep my mouth shut and just let it go, move on. However, I just realized that the more I ignored the situation the less people will be aware of how damaging these experiences are to every persons self-esteem who had experienced "work bullying".

  I don't want to leave something I love just because there are people who find pleasure in making other people's lives miserable. I know I have  a lot of things to do in order to stop this kind of behavior in our work place. Let people talk about it. Convince our Managers to implement a workshop to instill a culture that embraces people from different walks of life and cultural background. I don't know when things are going to get better.  But for now, I will wear my triple thick-skinned persona and just try to find humor when the evils start lurking in the corridors.

Boo Hoo! 

Planning for THE trip #somethingBorrowedfromMyFavoriteBlog


I spent the whole afternoon packing two separate suitcases for two completely different people heading towards two completely different places. Even the purpose of our trips varied, I was traveling for leisure while he was traveling for business. To cut the story short, we both ended up with travel itineraries for April 6 but with planes headed on opposite directions. I packed for the humid weather of Hanoi while simultaneously packing for my husband who's about to enjoy the sweater weather in the US of A. Patrick left at 3AM for Subic yesterday for a full day shoot, leaving me no choice but to take care of his suitcase agendas.  Lucky for me, Patrick is very low key and easy. In fact, I always choose to pack his maleta for him so I could inject some sort of semblance of fashion. If I were to leave him to do the packing on his own, he'd have 10 baseball caps, 2 tshirts, and his ailing socks or what my dad calls every guy's "Medyazzi Butazzi" (you'll have to say it in an Italian accent for it to be funny). While packing last night, I actually had a "I've turned into my mom" moment. I suddenly conjured up memories of my mom laying my dad's polo shirts neatly in a Samsonite and filling up a pouch with toiletries. I don't think my dad has ever packed  in 30 years! It's my mother who does all the packing while he does all the tetris-ing in his PC. hehehe.
I always try to over-prepare when I pack but with the limited luggage space, editing becomes inevitable and there are things that have to be taken out to make room for more important schtufff. Even after traveling for decades, there's always this unsettling feeling whenever I pack my suitcase. There's always a voice inside my head that says "You're missing something" or "I think you should pack more shirts" or "Are you sure those shoes will match all 7 outfits?". And true enough, no matter how well prepared I think I am, something out of the blue happens and I just end up sighing "Oh well."

This little exercise of packing and preparing for a trip has made me contemplate about marriage. I had an interesting chat with one of Patrick's best friends, Joey, who happens to be single. He mentioned his dad's quote that went something like, "Don't wait to be stable to get married. When you get married, things will get stable naturally." And I totally agree. To be clear, especially for the young people out there, please practice some sensibility in approaching this statement. I'm not saying you should just marry the cutest guy in the office because he's cute and he thinks you're cute too. Can "cute" put food on your table and can you pay your Meralco bills with "cuteness"?? HA??? I tried, it didn't work. Just look at this face, cuteness talaga ang kayamanan ko.

I guess his dad's statement comes from years of experience and elderly wisdom. Prepping for marriage is just like packing for a trip: you do your research, consult people who have been to that place, you try to cram in all the essentials in that tiny suitcase, and psych yourself to experience new things. As much as you try to prepare for this trip, you never really are fully ready for it. That's how entering a marriage feels like too. You could have a house and lot, a decent pool of savings, a brand new car----but these things will only take you so far, you will still find yourself overwhelmed with the whole adjustment of marriage and you will be just as clueless as the guy who got married with just 5,000 pesos in his bank account. Sure, having enough money when you tie the knot brings comfort and makes it a bit easier to cope---but money is NOT the only fuel that can power up your marriage engine. There's mutual respect, consideration, cooperation, selflessness, perseverance and of course LOVE. 

My single friends always quiz me about marriage preparation and I always tell them that I'm just as unlearned and inexperienced as any average Joe. I guess it's only YOU and YOUR PARTNER who can pack your own suitcase for marriage. You will know what to edit out (past issues, insecurities, previous lifestyles and bad habits, etc) and what you should make room for (core beliefs, non-negotiables, principles, family values). You could pack some tools to make the most out of your trip (money, steady careers, decent home, insurance, parental advice) and you can also add a few extra treats to make it more enjoyable (care and understanding, common sense of humor, same hobbies/interests, physical and intellectual chemistry). Whatever you pack into this suitcase should be able to sustain you for a lifetime, so pack wisely. You will also encounter some doubts along the way "Am I missing something?" or "Did I prepare enough for this trip?"...but there's a certain threshold wherein you just have to trust yourself and your partner enough to complete the preps, zip up the suitcase and actually board the plane. If you spend too much time packing and unpacking, you might actually miss the flight! THE BEST JOURNEY you'll ever embark in! As long as you are both headed towards the same destination (which I pray is towards a Christ centered and fulfilling marriage), then you have nothing to fear. It won't be easy, but it will be the trip of a lifetime!

So if you're in a relationship right now and are wondering if you should take the next step, remember that it's YOUR suitcase to pack. So don't go asking family and friends to "pack" your suitcase for you, it's something you and your partner will have to prep for together with God's guidance of course. For my single friends, start packing as early as now. Think of the things you NEED and WANT in a relationship, especially those non-negotiables---things you feel God is telling you to pack in your side of the suitcase and things you'd like to share with your future spouse. God is ready to take you on a grand adventure at the right time with the right person, you have your boarding pass already you just have to be patient in waiting for your flight call. 

credits to Mrs. Filart @ www.dapattylaurel.com


Good finds #fashion inspiration











Saturday, April 13, 2013

Passing time while surfing the net in the hotel lobby. Had a big late lunch and waiting for the food to go down a bit before considering yoga before heading back to sleep. I just love Japan. It's quiet and peaceful and the Japs are the coolest and the most helpful people I know, and the cleanest as well. I can only utter "konichiwa", #arigato gusaymas", over and over to respond to their tireless greetings. The flight going was easy and delightful. My colleagues who were mostly Japanese made it exciting and fun. The flight deck were lovely peeps I've flown with several times. Truly, happy crew means happy flight.
Been talking with one courageous girl from Nairobi and I can't believe how just by listening to her I came from being totally hopeless to totally hopeful and persevering. Sometimes people see something in us that sometimes we choose not to see. I can't believe that in a such a short period of time people can just turn our lives upside down. Just when I was at the verge of losing hope, there she came to remind me to hold on, a little bit longer. So okay, I am sticking to the original plan. Deep inside of me lies dreams that I've been meaning to achieve since I was a child. The road there I must say has been a constant struggle testing every fiber in my being. Nothing comes easy. And it's just so important to be surrounded by people who will constantly remind you that greatness is attainable.
It's sad as well that while others try to build us mindfully some still choose to crush our spirits mindlessly. Perhaps meeting "the queen" may not be a good idea for now. If she succeeded to crush others hopes and dreams I have to consider going for career advice from someone who will inspire me and push me to settle to where I deserve to be.
Reading a tragic and semi-violent novel depicting marriage problems I realized is not a good thing. We are not living in an ideal world and yet we are also not living in constant misery. What we feed our minds can result to something we haven't expected. Having problems is unavoidable and so we should come up with solutions and not find things to exacerbate them. I have so many available time where my mind just fly away. It's easy to get lost in negative thoughts. But we are free to choose. It's more beneficial to choose happiness and hope rather than spending too much energy fearing things that will not even happen.

Sending love from Tokyo....
While attempting to color my hair from a drugstore hair dye written in Japanese....

Stopping by #tokyo











Saturday, April 6, 2013