Thursday, December 31, 2015

Sunday, December 27, 2015





What's up Duck?

Perfect for a meal for 2 

Yes I'm a Drama Queen

How was your Christmas? 

Well mine didn't go as planned. Of all the days in the year when people get sick my boys did on Christmas day. Instead of happily preparing Christmas Eve dinner at home we were in a hospital bench waiting for our names to be called. Sasha woke up with a fever. He won't eat or drink his milk. He was just silent as he clings on to his dad's arms. We came home by 5pm just enough time for the hubby to roast the duck for 4 hours. Luckily my husband is a gourmet homecook and as expected his cooking totally knocked off my initial desire to eat outside. His Roast Duck was succulent and much better than the 5-star hotel quality  I've had before. We had our Christmas Eve dinner so perfect that I was so confident that Christmas day itself would be like that too. I prayed that Sasha will be well and we can join my family to Christmas day lunch. After opening our presents we went to bed with glee but momentarily awoken by Sasha's burning skin into mine. The fever came back at 3am. 

By 9 am Christmas day it was like nothing happened. The little fella woke up with his usual energy and excitement. He poked me in the face like telling me "mom wake up! Merry Christmas! Or perhaps Mom can't you smell? It's time for nappy change or you will be having breakfast with it!" Lol. We sipped hot chocolate and ate chocolate brioche in bed. I was in cloud nine. I still remember my Christmas days when I was a child. Mom and dad really did a great job raising us. We had happy , healthy and normal childhood that I would like to pass to my child/children. I always have high hopes and high expectations on holidays like this especially Christmas. I automatically assume my husband wouldn't mind us joing my cousins for Christmas lunch since Sasha seemed well, active and no fever. But despite my efforts to convince him he still continued with his hard cold NO. Confused and hurt I tried to reason out over and over until all the energy and strength I could muster puffed like smoke. I couldn't understand him and he couldn't understand why it's so important to me. So I let go. I put up my moping-face while Sasha looked at his parents with puzzled eyes. It was the first time in our married life that I feel so angry that I feel so weak to even fight. I just took my colored pens and pastel and draw  my heart out in white paper, while the boys took their afternoon nap, on a Christmas day. How sad, I told myself. 

But before the sun sets on a cold Christmas afternoon, the husband finally put on his happy face and made me late lunch. I couldn't resist. There's no point crying and fighting about spilled milk. My family already were enjoying the party--- without us. We ate and made up. The hurt somehow subsided. Welcome to MarriageVille it's not always roses and chocolates. 

Then yesterday we finally able to get out and be human. Perfect time for Sasha's baby dedication. It was a bit chaotic driving to Jebel Ali with the one year old crying nonstop. Again, I was at the verge of turning into one of  Khaleesi's dragons. I was losing my patience. And as much as I wanted for us to come on time, again 15 minutes late. I was just wishing that the ground will open up and eat me. 

God, being his mysterious  and Divine-self  as always hit me hardcore with the day's preach. It dawned on me that I was the one making my own life as difficult as it shouldn't be. My response was wrong. My method was incorrect. It's not easy being a Christian. Only by God's grace we can act accordingly. He got his reasons why He didn't let us go out on Christmas. He was teaching me something about my character. He made me took a long look on the real meaning of Christmas. To ponder deeply on the birth of our Savior and it's not all about food and receiving presents. These worldly stuff were nonsense. Celebrating the birth of Christ with your family with or without the glamour and glitz is what matters most. I was pushing my husband away for what? So I can party, drink and be merry instead of just cozying up with them , (nurturing their sore throat and icky cough)  in our home telling stories about the real meaning of Christmas. I want Sasha to know that because my parents told me growing up. It's my responsibility. I realized as well that I cannot force people to change. Only God can change people. Only God can touch their hearts like how he touched mine five years ago. I owe him everything I have now. My life was changed and I cannot impose the same faith I have without God's help, without my own behavior, letting my life to speak for itself. 

It's time to change expectations and be more flexible. I used to be spontaneous. I don't want to be an old fart not daring enough to change lanes when needed. I should learn to simmer off steam quickly when I don't get what I want. Yes, I am stubborn, strong-willed, always willing to die-hard trying to get what I want when I want it. And not all people can understand that, but Now, hearing His truth, I am much more willing to always take the best and sometimes uncomfortable high road.  















Merry Christmas!!!


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Holiday Outfits



Just Shake it Off

    I don't know if it's just the weather or maybe I'm just really tired, or bored but I seriously I don't like it.


   Or maybe the hormones, because 'hurray!" I had successfully managed to wean Sasha. The boobie habit has come to a close only perhaps a few nights when he gets really cranky but good heavens I feel my own body belongs to me once again. My little sweet boy is such an active and curious little pumpkin who needs constant supervision because he likes climbing a lot ( i.e our cooker, I think he wants to cook his own food now , lol)  and most of the time I find myself grasping for air. Mind you, he still not walking yet ( which is a worry and a delight at the same time). Motherhood is in a different level to me right now. I enjoy our playtime before bed when he embraces me, bites my tummy or eat my hair. Haha. He's the sweetest little piece of me wrapped in cotton candy. He loves his Mama and can't sleep without her sweet embrace. But of course there were days when his crying can just blow my brains out. Taking care of a child eventhough you love him in a million little ways is still hard work. People looking in thinks it's such an easy job. Those people without kids may automatically assume that SAHM ( stay at home mom) do nothing all day but eat and sleep. If you are one of them, I am kinda hating you right now. Really.

     I wish everything is easy as it seems and glamorous even. But if you are planning to have kids soon sorry to break it up to you but there's so many things you need to give up and I hope you are ready.

     Every day I try to be a superwoman. Juggling to make the house clean, take care of myself - physically, meantally, spiritually otherwise I might jump from the 25th floor any minute and of course look after and give the best to my child. The hours are endless and unpredictable. I have no regrets for this choice I make because this is my dream. I always wanted this but getting a little help would be fantastic instead of the judgment. I wish my mom was still alive. I wish she can give me advice about so many things I am so confused about. All things motherhood and marriage with all love and understanding.


        Lately everything can tear me up easily. A quick comment about my skin, or how I feed my child or how I love fitness. I normally just keep quiet or share my feelings to the husband and pray but these days nothing works. I feel bad and my mood is ruined. I feel a dark cloud suddenly cast over my blue sky. I feel heavy and cry in the bathroom. What is wrong?

         Then I revere and open my book where I find answers. I pour my heart out and sing. This dark clouds will disappear. He will lift them up. I realized when I stopped reflecting as often as I can I lost track of who I am. He changed me and so why this old me keeps bugging me now?

       The enemy keeps telling me how I am not good enough to my child and to my husband. And it breaks my heart. And how my imperfections are being magnified by the husband reprimanding  me of my inefficiencies at times. I feel alone. Helpless. Why suddenly I mean nothing. The voice is loud and it's ringing in my ears.

          So I pray. And I will pray more.
           God is good and He sees me differently. It's only him to whom I am accounted for. It's only HIM I need to impress and only HIM I should rely for my worth.

          We cannot expect everyone to be like us morever understand us or believe in our dreams. We cannot assume everybody or those whom we loved will be our biggest supporters or cheerleaders. Oftentimes they can be our worst critic and destroy us from the inside and that's why there's God. Those people are only human, He is infinite. He is our Father, he loves me differently, like a mom loves his child.

         I understand now this crying phase should stop. It's not helping me to become the best version of myself. It doesn't serve as a Godly example to my child. So next time the harsh words come in, they will fall on deaf ears.

AMEN. 

Monday, December 21, 2015

Yey! It's almost christmas

and... we still don't know what to cook...

Monday, December 14, 2015

To Whom It May Concern:

I am that kind of girl who won't  let a day go without sweating it out wether by running or cleaning the house five times. I can't sit all day doing nothing let alone munching on Doritos or Krispy Kreme. I am that girl you will hate coz you're seeing her devour a sinfully decadent Chocolate cake and not looks like it. She happily orders pizza and drinks champagne like a fish. She always make it look effortless to stay in shape but the truth is, fitness is her happy pill. Keeping her body toned and healthy inside and out is something she take very seriously. So don't hate her--- I mean me.

How many times I need to mention that I love dressing up. If only I am Kendall Jenner- like I would die-trying making it to runway but unfortunately I am only 170 centimeters. I did try to make it to local modeling but you know how tough that world is but still I was happy to know how it felt to attend go-sees and photoshoots. If I would have a  daughter someday I would support her if she would like to explore that world. My husband is 194 centimeters maybe my future- daughter can make it. Haha. A mom can dream. Anyway, as I've said I love clothes. It depresses me if I can't fit anymore in my skinny jeans. And nobody gave me a warning about how challenging keeping fit can get once you're married. My husband is the king of homecooked gourmet food. He may not admit it but he is passionate about flavors and trying new spices and the art of plating. I can't feed him the typical dull-looking rice + viand Filipino meals without making the effort to make it look twice more appetizing. There should be love in the plate, so better make that creativity in the kitchen kicks in. He cooks half of the time when he can no longer stomach my crazy Asian- fusion experiments. And when he does he takes me to that place when I forget about restaurant dining anymore. He can make a simple salad tastes like a vegetable party in your mouth. He bakes cakes and desserts like he works for Cinnabon or cheesecake factory, you know what I mean. And I am not saying this because I am his wife but it simply is the truth. Every time he cooks is a real struggle for me to resist another bite, another serving. Oh man. I need my skinny figure all the time or else the LBD won't fit on Friday night. 

   So lately, I decided to mix my normal fitness routine with more fun ways to burn extra calories whenever I think I fell off the bandwagon. So A few days ago, I started DANCING! Hurray!!!! If you have 
seen Taylor Swift's dance moves you've seen how I danced. I am really embarrassed. But I began to build a desire to improve that. I can see how my hubby looks at me whenever he catches me doing Zumba when Sasha is asleep. That look of--- " I can't believe I married this person " look. That bad. 

Anyway, so I am doing Pilates for my abs, butt and inner thighs. Jillian Michael's six week six pack moves for again abs, ( when you already gave birth , believe me that pooch is never easy to melt to zero visibiity not unless you go under the knife or never wear skin-tight shirt or midriffs ever again) 
And Zumba for extra slices of red velvet cheesecake or all-the-meats pizza on weekends. Ah I also do yoga in the morning, Yoga meltdown whenever Sasha is driving me insane and couldn't keep it together. 

So again don't hate me coz I manage to look like I didn't give birth when you gain 20 pounds for the last month or so. This is my life. I love clothes and fitness just as much as you like eating cupcakes and greasy Burgers late at night. If you want, I will help you melt the fat. Peace! 














Maybe once I started looking like this I would be less obsess about fitness. Or maybe not. Coz there nothing like the rush you get after a nice hard workout/s. Lol. 

I have a One year Old already!









100 cookies for Sasha


Catching up...

'Tis the season to be jolly... 

How time flies so quickly! We are already in the middle of December! Can you believe that? 
So many things have happened in almost like a blink of an eye! 

My little pumpkin just turned One the other week! My oh my! I was so excited and so happy and exhausted with all the preparations. I managed to bake 100 cookies the night before his birthday while Sasha was asleep. The party turned out to be a success inspite of too many of my husband's friends cancelling last minute but still we had fun. Sasha kept his eyes wide open eventhough he was on the edge of falling asleep. I think he was so excited as well for his party that he couldn't take nap before his party. 

One of our friends gave us a one- night stay in a hotel outside Dubai as birthday gift for Sasha. We were able to use that last week and we were really blessed to have experienced a break from all the chaos of our busy lives here in the city. Ras al Khaimah was a nice escape from Dubai. The one and a half car drive was therapeutic. The environment was so calming and deapite the cold me and Sasha took a dive in the hotel pool while hubby chickened out. Lol. 

In a couple of days it's gift wrapping time again! I love wrapping gifts as much as shopping for them! 
Can you believe it's another year gone in a mattee if weeks. And that means I am going to be another year older. Oh no. 

What are excited about this holiday season? 

Monday, December 7, 2015


Burger

     I get so busy inside my head. Motherhood chores are endless. And out of nowhere my lovely husband decided to give me a day off, a whole day of pampering and unhealthy restaurant meals with my cousins. I was so excited and beyond thrilled. I got to use a Purse for a change and not bring my gigantic diaper bag while he wrestles and play rough games with Sasha.

     It was the first time I left my two boys in the house. I was nervous in the beginning. I was expecting that he would call me for help the minute I left the house. But I was wrong, in fact I finished my fun day and my hair appointments without a throbbing call from him. He picked me up together with Sasha and completely bewildered that my little pumpkin was on the road to maturity. Haha. They were smiling ear to ear like I never left the house.

Unfortunately, just when I thought that I had the most perfect day in a long time, I found myself crying in pain in the middle of the night. I don't know if it was because I was binge-eating junk food the whole day or just my body not suddenly used to being out like a normal person.

So the next day was the complete opposite. I could hardly get up from the bed to eat or let alone take a shower. I missed our Baby Dedication and slept all day .Poor hubby taking the mommy and the baby.


   Looking forward to better days-off   ahead. I guess it really is about time to eat healthy, consistently. Falling off the bandwagon and facing the consequences later are not not worth it. Blame it on the burger.