" what..." I moaned in discomfort. It was so early to be receiving calls.
I checked the clock it was only 8:24.
" hello?"
" hey! are you still sleeping? you're not working in the morning? "
" no, at 3. how are you? why you're up so early? it's friday?"
" I am going to the grocery shop. I just want to say I miss you..."
" I miss you too..."
Then after an hour the helpless device woke me up again. He whispered the lovely things in my ear . I wanted to believe them. Who would not. I wanted to hear them all the time, if only he means them and not only to pass time. He is good at it: Words.
I emailed him before I go to work. His blackberry is a very reliable friend. He can reply in an instant. It was going to be a fine day. Nice start, so maybe.
Then he called again when I was at work. This time I heard him say the most incredible things.
" Do you trust me? "
" yes, of course! why?"
" then do what I say. Just wait 'til I settle everything here then I will help you."
"what? are you sure? "
" Do what I say. We will be together. I am telling you. Just trust me."
I can feel my cheeks hurt when I heard him say he will help me find my place there so we don't have to suffer the distance.
I wanted to believe them. I really want to. But knowing him being hot and cold, I just can't let him have my heart again. I don't want to give my hopes another chance in his hands. Only when I see them perhaps. I've been to hell and back several times because of believing in the beautiful pictures he's painting inside my head. In the end, I'll just suffer alone.
I wonder what made him say those things. What is his agenda this time? To keep us both: the bitch and me? I don't want to entertain the possibility that he could have chosen me, that he could have already realized that inspite of the complexities I deserve to be the one to be kept and loved and cared for for the rest of our lives. And it's too good to be true. Again, knowing him, he can change his heart in an instant. No doubt about that.
I checked the clock it was only 8:24.
" hello?"
" hey! are you still sleeping? you're not working in the morning? "
" no, at 3. how are you? why you're up so early? it's friday?"
" I am going to the grocery shop. I just want to say I miss you..."
" I miss you too..."
Then after an hour the helpless device woke me up again. He whispered the lovely things in my ear . I wanted to believe them. Who would not. I wanted to hear them all the time, if only he means them and not only to pass time. He is good at it: Words.
I emailed him before I go to work. His blackberry is a very reliable friend. He can reply in an instant. It was going to be a fine day. Nice start, so maybe.
Then he called again when I was at work. This time I heard him say the most incredible things.
" Do you trust me? "
" yes, of course! why?"
" then do what I say. Just wait 'til I settle everything here then I will help you."
"what? are you sure? "
" Do what I say. We will be together. I am telling you. Just trust me."
I can feel my cheeks hurt when I heard him say he will help me find my place there so we don't have to suffer the distance.
I wanted to believe them. I really want to. But knowing him being hot and cold, I just can't let him have my heart again. I don't want to give my hopes another chance in his hands. Only when I see them perhaps. I've been to hell and back several times because of believing in the beautiful pictures he's painting inside my head. In the end, I'll just suffer alone.
I wonder what made him say those things. What is his agenda this time? To keep us both: the bitch and me? I don't want to entertain the possibility that he could have chosen me, that he could have already realized that inspite of the complexities I deserve to be the one to be kept and loved and cared for for the rest of our lives. And it's too good to be true. Again, knowing him, he can change his heart in an instant. No doubt about that.
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