Monday, April 20, 2009

Seventy-two hours



I was battling with my head and my heart. It happens everytime I become my own self. When the other "me" takes a rest. It always makes me feel more real but less human. I used to not feel so much. My head always comes first. Never let my heart to take over. I guess my heart's revenge got to the extreme.

I lay awake staring in the ceiling. My roommate thought I was asleep. But I just couldn't. My lonely heart beats crazily. I wonder what the speed rate was because I felt like it can literally shake my bed like little earthquakes.

I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I lost my face with them. I just couldn't afford to see the disappointment in their eyes now. I know they just want the best for me like good parents always dream for their kids.
Please forgive me. I love you so much. I just fell in love.

It took me three hours before I get lost in my own land and when my alarm clock beeps a sudden rush of blood takes over and then slight headaches starts to appear.

Everyone's getting married here. I can feel more pressure to be with someone. And it's wrong. I don't want to find myself in a situation just for the sake of it and not for the real essence.

So it continued for days. My muscles ache like they weigh a thousand tons of bricks. I decided to intently pray and outline my days. I used to fill them with "work" to improve myself. Right now I am finding a hard time to fill my days with colors. It's pretty lonely here, when mostly the people I care deeply live a hundred and even thousand miles away from me.

I counted sheep until I saw myself in a white dress and my hair turned black then someone came, a disfigured image. Then my heart beats crazily again. Oh boy...

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