When to stop?

Do you still remember your first love?

I guess mine I could never forget. Except only because it hurts me too damn much.

I can still vividly remember how his face looks when he utter the words,
" Even your husband wouldn't do what I did for you" .

Yeah, because he wouldn't say these things if you were my husband, I just whispered to myself.

I met him in my transit. The agonizing eight hours of waiting I could take but then I surrendered for the second time to his voice pleading, " I want you, I need you. I am so alone here". Even when I know not, because his bitch came back from La-land. He knew when and how to say things that would make me weak. Eventhough I was determined not to see him because that wouldn't fix what he did to me last year, he still got me. Poor little girl again in his claws.

He paid for the visa. He hugged and kissed me in the airport like we have never seen each other over a millenium when in reality we chat almost everyday with webcam. He drove with much ardor as he held my hands tightly, as he caressed my legs and smell my hair. I wanted to be loved so desperately that his lies until now I take.

I spent my remaining six hours under his arms. I love this guy so much I just couldn't resist him. I don't want to sleep. I just want to stare in those lovely eyes that deceive me. I want to pretend that his love is still mine. I don't want my plane to board ever. If only I could freeze time.

I was running around his flat naked. Back to the old days when we were playing like kids. I never felt so comfortable with anyone. I never felt so naked and understood until he came t0 my life. To undress every fiber of my being. I love him so much I decided to be blind about the obvious. After I took my shower I lifted the trash bin to throw some cotton that I used and there I saw them greeting me good morning. The bitch was definitely with him the other night or the night before because he forgot to throw the garbage containing her used pantyliner and cotton pads with make-up all over them. She wears red lipstick. When I left the bathroom he was going over my IPOD, trying to look for something. He asked about the guy I was with in the picture. I laughed hard because he was accusing me of flirting with my own uncle. I rolled my eyes and asked him about the same topic. I said to him the same thing. I can feel that there was a woman here. And he counterattack me with the same phrases that threatens. I don't want to fight. There's no need for that.

He took me to Costa before I board. He wished for me to stay for 3 more days. I said No. My parents are expecting me. I told myself that would be the end of it. I will not call him once I reach home. And so I didn't. But he did.