Sometimes there were just days...
When you question yourself if you're doing enough. Am I doing enough for my child? for my husband? for myself? for others? for God?
I am guilty of setting the bar so high sometimes. It gets to my skin to the point that I feel I'm snapping in two. Doubt creeps in. And there, the voice of the enemy starts to penetrate.
There were days when you get yourself exposed to harsh words that makes you cry so easily. Sometimes I have onion skin. I get way too sensitive. I breakdown in an instant. I don't know how and why, hormones are to blame maybe but I don't like myself when I turn into an instant drama queen. I get too conscious about how I look. I have a habit of comparing myself to others and I'm up to no good doing that. I overanalzye. I try so hard to please sometimes forgetting that life is short and we are fragile beings with one life to live.
With all these in mind, I feel grateful. I appreciate a lot of things in my life that aren't things per se. But people, circumstances that makes life more interesting, more meaningful. I am much much happier now than when I have more lucrative things in life like first class travels and rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. Although, I have zero salary for this job of being a full-time mom and a wife I feel significant more than ever, more than all the jobs I had done in my life. This achievement is priceless beyond words.
I am at peace even when I am insecure and when I feel like I can't compete anymore. I just learned to surrender, to let go. To know that I am human and I am in this journey of becoming the person God wanted me to be. To obey inspite of the sufferings, to relax and enjoy inspite of the long wait. I am patient now. And I am learning to listen more than speak without much thought. I learned humility and simplicity in the most beautiful way. And I feel joy in this place where I am.
When you question yourself if you're doing enough. Am I doing enough for my child? for my husband? for myself? for others? for God?
I am guilty of setting the bar so high sometimes. It gets to my skin to the point that I feel I'm snapping in two. Doubt creeps in. And there, the voice of the enemy starts to penetrate.
There were days when you get yourself exposed to harsh words that makes you cry so easily. Sometimes I have onion skin. I get way too sensitive. I breakdown in an instant. I don't know how and why, hormones are to blame maybe but I don't like myself when I turn into an instant drama queen. I get too conscious about how I look. I have a habit of comparing myself to others and I'm up to no good doing that. I overanalzye. I try so hard to please sometimes forgetting that life is short and we are fragile beings with one life to live.
With all these in mind, I feel grateful. I appreciate a lot of things in my life that aren't things per se. But people, circumstances that makes life more interesting, more meaningful. I am much much happier now than when I have more lucrative things in life like first class travels and rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. Although, I have zero salary for this job of being a full-time mom and a wife I feel significant more than ever, more than all the jobs I had done in my life. This achievement is priceless beyond words.
I am at peace even when I am insecure and when I feel like I can't compete anymore. I just learned to surrender, to let go. To know that I am human and I am in this journey of becoming the person God wanted me to be. To obey inspite of the sufferings, to relax and enjoy inspite of the long wait. I am patient now. And I am learning to listen more than speak without much thought. I learned humility and simplicity in the most beautiful way. And I feel joy in this place where I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment