It's Hard To Walk Away

The sun came up, the final day arrived. As much as I don't want to talk about it I just couldn't run away from it. It follows me like a three-year old tugging along my sundress. As much as I try to ignore it,the more the sound grows louder. The beauty of the day slowly vanish as I try to slower down the movements. I know in my heart I have no choice but to come back. And only God knows how much it hurts me to leave the Only person I truly got. My bruised self all-defeated tried to fight as exhaustion took over me. The 10-hour flight almost left me lifeless as my chest throbs with pain and agony. I know someone might be waiting for me at the arrival and yet I feel the guilt of having forgotten how it used to be my worst.

I slowly tried to find comfort and solace from the sound of heartbeats. I tried to appreciate the little love they pour over like tiny droplets of rain. I know I couldn't bring her back and my sadness will not make her hear me now. I saw my father in every loneliness around me. I feel my mother's suffering in every acid attack I encounter from my anxiety. My headache comes to worse whenever I try to deny tears, whenever I imagine she won't be there anymore. It's a big loss, a different kind of heartache. When a lover leaves it hurts for awhile but losing someone so dear, that their love will never measure to anyone else how could you ever live the same? How long will it take for acceptance to have sitting comfortably at your feet?

Some people pass by just to play a role. The lucky ones stay since the beginning until God decides you can finally make it on your own even when you try to beg Him for more time. You will try to find all the right reasons until you succumb to nothingness of reality. Others pass by like milk with a definite expiry date. As much as you try to lengthen it's shelf life, once you drink it you just know it's just not gonna make it. Throw the carton away and buy new milk. There's plenty more in the store. And there are some that come and go. They are rather confusing. They stay and then escape like a maniac from the prison cell and yet when you need them they will come for rescue in a matter of fifteen minutes no matter where they are. They even stay to divert your loneliness away. You plead to God in the end that this is not another "too good to be true" case. I cannot take another heartache. Have a little mercy on my sanity.

In the end, I have to face the day. Work brings alot of stories and opens new horizons. I still have tons of things to accomplish and just forget about the doors that won't open and people who won't open up. Something, someone, somewhere out there will unlock them. Right now, I just have to let this night pass by without the havoc of discomfort and pray to God that tomorrow will finally bring my smile back.