This is actually my fourth draft. I 've been meaning to escape from my toddler since a few weeks back just so I can write something. It's been a crazy couple of weeks with long lists of chores, bursting emotions and unexpected detours. Well, finally my little one got busy playing chef in our bed with tons of cheerios ready for new cockroaches to consume. It's no wonder we started having them again. Oh these disgusting crawlers. Thank God we are moving to a new apartment soon.
Anyway, back again here in my safe place. How am I actually? A lot of things changed in fact. Aside from this new reality that I am happy with my body now , finally kicking the bad eating habits all for good and keeping positive mindset all in place I can confidently say, I am feeling so much better and hopeful about the future. I feel good about myself completely. No more Maritza , my baby pizza, and I am super motivated to get my goals accomplished. Even though of course there were days when I just couldn't do anything but play with my kid.
I thank God for nourishing me inside. I learned so many things since 2016 kicked in and next week is May already. Unfortunately we are not going anywhere for our vacation. Apparently we needed to have Ukranian passport to bring Sasha to Ukraine. And that takes around 3 months to make. Poor little guy, we need to wait a few more months to really get into thinking about vacationing. Instead we will start fishing for new apartment. How exciting! As much as we alreadylearned to adjust to this place, and it's cheaper and super near to my husband's workplace, I mean Terminal 2, it's just too crowded here and the number of fire incidents are already driving me insane. I love our apartment but the surroundings--- not much. At all.
Lately, before all these realization I was Khaleesi. I am the mother of dragons. I get really irritated quickly. I spit fire everywhere I go. Well, that's just how I feel inside as well. I feel a mountain of pressure started choking me. I want to get out and run. To feel something inside. That I am more than this. Or whatever. Waiting for my big break to come despite of the current economy and having this leap of Faith that God is going to answer soon .I was really growing impatient. And believe me I am not the nicest person around when this happens. Then I suddenly realized that my husband, poor thing was at the receiving end. I later apologized for my behavior. Because really, this guy is nothing but kind and patient. I feel sorry for shouting at him when my head is almost about to explode.
There were little moments in life that we regret doing. Just because of hormonal changes or the weather. And if we happened to ignore that not so pleasant behavior and we forgot to ask forgiveness we end up bruising someone permanently. It happened to me a few years back. And two years later, until now she never talk to me. Last Saturday, the church was discussing about the importance or reconciliation. It dawned on me that it's really about time to write her. I felt comvinced that I offended her unintentionally and this is the result. She unfollowed me in Instagram and ignore my messages in Whatsapp. I was hurt when I found out because I considered her one of the few childhood friends for keeps. And as much as I want to ignore her and hate her as much for treating me like this, I know deep within that I need to make amends whether she accepts it or not. So I gathered my courage one fateful night when everyone's asleep and typed in FB messager. Of course, until now no reply. I saw that she already read it. And that's good enough for me.
Anyway, back again here in my safe place. How am I actually? A lot of things changed in fact. Aside from this new reality that I am happy with my body now , finally kicking the bad eating habits all for good and keeping positive mindset all in place I can confidently say, I am feeling so much better and hopeful about the future. I feel good about myself completely. No more Maritza , my baby pizza, and I am super motivated to get my goals accomplished. Even though of course there were days when I just couldn't do anything but play with my kid.
I thank God for nourishing me inside. I learned so many things since 2016 kicked in and next week is May already. Unfortunately we are not going anywhere for our vacation. Apparently we needed to have Ukranian passport to bring Sasha to Ukraine. And that takes around 3 months to make. Poor little guy, we need to wait a few more months to really get into thinking about vacationing. Instead we will start fishing for new apartment. How exciting! As much as we alreadylearned to adjust to this place, and it's cheaper and super near to my husband's workplace, I mean Terminal 2, it's just too crowded here and the number of fire incidents are already driving me insane. I love our apartment but the surroundings--- not much. At all.
Lately, before all these realization I was Khaleesi. I am the mother of dragons. I get really irritated quickly. I spit fire everywhere I go. Well, that's just how I feel inside as well. I feel a mountain of pressure started choking me. I want to get out and run. To feel something inside. That I am more than this. Or whatever. Waiting for my big break to come despite of the current economy and having this leap of Faith that God is going to answer soon .I was really growing impatient. And believe me I am not the nicest person around when this happens. Then I suddenly realized that my husband, poor thing was at the receiving end. I later apologized for my behavior. Because really, this guy is nothing but kind and patient. I feel sorry for shouting at him when my head is almost about to explode.
There were little moments in life that we regret doing. Just because of hormonal changes or the weather. And if we happened to ignore that not so pleasant behavior and we forgot to ask forgiveness we end up bruising someone permanently. It happened to me a few years back. And two years later, until now she never talk to me. Last Saturday, the church was discussing about the importance or reconciliation. It dawned on me that it's really about time to write her. I felt comvinced that I offended her unintentionally and this is the result. She unfollowed me in Instagram and ignore my messages in Whatsapp. I was hurt when I found out because I considered her one of the few childhood friends for keeps. And as much as I want to ignore her and hate her as much for treating me like this, I know deep within that I need to make amends whether she accepts it or not. So I gathered my courage one fateful night when everyone's asleep and typed in FB messager. Of course, until now no reply. I saw that she already read it. And that's good enough for me.
And can you believe that after that I feel like I just won a free shopping spree at Sephora? Yeah, that's actually my version of winning a million bucks. I feel happier. The peace inside me is overflowing.
There's still a lot of things about me that I want to improve. And I am glad that I am not alone in this journey. I am a work in progress. And I feel even more hopeful that the best are yet to come and God is with me when it happens.
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