Thoughts Running

Running. Running. Running.
I was grasping for air. I can't move. I can only hear voices screaming in my ears. But I can't stop them.

Then I felt somebody squeezing me.
I was dreaming. And I was awaken by my child clutching in my arms trying his best to get into my space. A cold night. He was trying to get into the blanket and smell me perhaps.

It's been a week now of almost having a panic -attack. Mid-sleep. Mid morning.
I worry too much. I think too much. I want too much. Of things almost within my reach yet so far like in a million light years ahead. Sometimes I feel all hope slipping right through my fingers.
Then I pray. I open His Word. And I felt strong again.

The echoes ringing in the walls when darkness creeps into the night.
He will only be home by morning. A lonesome sleep and waking up a few times by cries
asking for warmth, milk or my touch. My baby my love. Not easy but it makes my heart full.

I find serenity listening to 90s song. Hah.
Bringing back wonderful memories. Of growing up, with so much confusion, so much passion . Clouds of smoke passing by my horizon. Now they are gone . And I am a grown up.
But still inside, I feel always Seventeen.