The Blame Game

   
   I have to do this quick before the boys wake up.


   I've been struggling lately to get at least 20 minutes of free time just for myself. Sasha has always be an easy loving child, but these past few weeks he's just getting way too much. I mean, this is the period when he is trying to stand up and reach for things and eat them. Did I mention the last time we found him covered in diaper cream? I 'm sure he also ate so much paper and some tiny bits of chewing gum wrappers and just last night I almost catch him peeling off paint in the wall to eat it. Oh man.  So we cannot leave him alone in his play area let alone in the bed. To do chores now is like reaching for the sky. I have to put him in the walker and give him too many interesting stuff to entertain him. Formula milk lid cover, a laddle, silicon baking tins, and paper coin banks and sometimes empty water bottles. You can see how our apartment looks like, as much as I want to make it nice and cozy and adult sophisticated... eeerr... it looks like a kindergarten play room. Oh well. At least we have our own place. At least I can walk around naked if I want to or cook in my underwear and nobody will say something or whatever.

     Spirits. Do you believe in ghosts? I am not sure but I believe in spirits or presence. Not the scary type per se but the kind that can currupt your mind to make you believe in something you really don't have. There's negative and positive. A few weeks back I had received some news from friends about their marital woes. Well, I kinda got affected I took it to heart. Instead of praying about them incessantly I ended up dwelling on them. Believe me, I thought I was getting posessed. I started looking and noticing only the bad stuff in my life, in my husband until I spit fire in every direction I look. I was becoming a monster to my own child and to my husband. I told my cousin about it because I thought I was going to lose my mind. She told me about the spirits. About this thing that can be transmitted to us if we are not careful. I don't know how to clearly put it in words but that's just how I experienced it. If there's negative things around us, but not necessary about us it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy if we dwell on it and focus our energy. I know about these things before but not until I experienced it clearly. I guess it's okay to listen to other's problems as long as we rebuke the spirits that comes from hearing them.

       It's easy to get carried away and take the easy way out when things get a little rusty. It's easy to compare our lives to others when we don't feel satisfied with our own. It's easy to blame our husbands for our discontentment and our unhappiness instead of looking deeper inside ourselves that only God can truly fulfill that void inside us. There's not enough material things or achievements that will make our lives reap its real meaning. So in every thing give thanks. Its only our real relationship with Him that can guarantee us about the happiness and satisfaction we are looking for.