Friday, January 30, 2015

My heart is only yours...

 There were days when it gets really hard. There were even nights when I just cry my eyes out. Motherhood comes without a manual. Unlike my cousins who hired two nannies to help them out, I decided to do everything by myself.  I want to challenge myself since I did not push my baby out of my lady bits; sort of I wanted to punish myself for missing the most  magical event of the woman giving birth the natural way.  And here I am still grasping for air after almost two months.  But one thing's change I feel almost floating in cloud nine whenever my little one smiles and laughs at me whenever I look completely helpless and sometimes paranoid. I forget how tired I am almost instantly.  How come this little creature can occupy so much space in my heart? I am so in love.
   Certainly,  there were times as well when I ask myself when will I go back to work?  I kinda miss living in a suitcase. However the thought of leaving my precious bebe in the care of someone else terrifies me. He couldn't even last an hour without me by his side. I kinda feel like he knows where mommy is; when he no longer smells my natural milk-y almost like condensed milk -smell he will cry his lungs out ( yeah) and all hell breaks loose. So maybe coming back to work is not gonna happen anytime soon. I need to focus on bringing up bebe while putting myself back together. I started working out. I do yoga and a little bit cross fit. I started watching what I eat too. It really saddens me seeing my tummy without its glory. haha.  And so waking up 4 am is my go-to schedule and by 7 pm me and Sasha are already singing lullaby to one another.

      There's this one quote from Ashton Kutcher that perfectly describes motherhood or parenthood...

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