My damned laptop is crying for a replacement. I can't wait
myself to throw it out the window once I purchase a new one. But it's been a great tupsy-turvy hell of a ride with this loyal
friend. Five years and counting, breathing on life-support.
I learnt to deal with my past and this is where it took me. Funny how life turns out sometimes, one moment you're over the edge of losing your mind over some crap then later you can hardly remember why you cried so much in the first place. So today I told myself I deserved to clear out the cobwebs building inside my head. The clutter is killing my creativity and I am screaming for more space. I've certainly graduated from my old days of Pity-party and gone and over with talking it all out why certain things just don't work out. It's time to embrace change and some great surprises in store.
I used to dwell so much of what's dead and gone , wasting my energy to bring things to life back again. Mending lost friendship and creating new, looking after my lovely-funny-dashing-debonair-and-aging -father, making things work out for a new beginning and letting go completely with what's out there has been my day-to-day life. Traveling has been giving me the time and space to take a break whenever I get too much on my plate. I always think I am Wonder Woman with super powers
how I wish unfortunately I get tired and emotional when the going gets tougher.
How true that some people we meet in this life stays only for a period, like they just came to teach us something and when it's mission accomplished then sayonara. There's nothing we can do much about it. I was trying to capture everything with both hands but they all slipped away eventually. Some people did try to keep you close- arms-length and yet in the end it's just faded. When you get used to something that's not there most of the time it's a matter of time til you get used to not wanting it at all. So I tend to constantly remind myself of things I couldn't live without. We give chances like it's on sale until we just ran out of things to give, even time cannot be for bargain.
I realized that indeed life is short and I have the sole responsibility to make myself happy. I want to make people happy and sometimes at my own expense. If I can I would definitely, and if I won't certainly there's a logical reason behind it.
I can't believe I'm talking to my father like I am the parent now. All of a sudden I became the person he asks for advice and stuff to make the woman feels alright. I can't count how many times I've seen my mother in my dreams for the past three weeks. And how many plans I laid carefully inside my head for the next months coming for 2013. I am a spinning wheel. I am just ecstatic. For the first time it feels right to be where I am, although everything is not perfect all the time I've grown more mature to accept it and adjust well into it when in my not-so-distant past I was a completely different person.
It's getting colder now and I'm afraid I don't have enough sweaters to keep me warm and still I crave for chocolate fudge ice cream. I hope it won't rain. And thank goodness I have so much time left to rest. I may not have gotten everything I wanted but I am thankful that it taught me a lot of things I should know by now.
Can't wait for the holidays!!!
