Love love love

Sometimes I forget how difficult motherhood is whenever I see my liitle one giggling just seeing me. It's priceless and inexpensive pill when days aren't so bright. But there's also times when I go guilt tripping when I throw a big complain fiasco when he doesnt want to sleep and it's 130am.

It's no easy task being a full time mom, no matter how much I try to emphasize it I think nobody will really understand unless you're a SAHM yourself. 

It gets lonely in the house too when you miss going out with friends. 

I guess this is just My Season. 

By the way, Happy Valentines Day! 

We had plans actually, until Crew Control called and made us decide to move the celebration tomorrow. Oh well. 

I'm still thankful. And happy to be married to this guy. He really made an effort to make my heart swell. Thank you Lord. As long as I have my family, I have everything I need.

Red

Just Shake it Off

    I don't know if it's just the weather or maybe I'm just really tired, or bored but I seriously I don't like it.


   Or maybe the hormones, because 'hurray!" I had successfully managed to wean Sasha. The boobie habit has come to a close only perhaps a few nights when he gets really cranky but good heavens I feel my own body belongs to me once again. My little sweet boy is such an active and curious little pumpkin who needs constant supervision because he likes climbing a lot ( i.e our cooker, I think he wants to cook his own food now , lol)  and most of the time I find myself grasping for air. Mind you, he still not walking yet ( which is a worry and a delight at the same time). Motherhood is in a different level to me right now. I enjoy our playtime before bed when he embraces me, bites my tummy or eat my hair. Haha. He's the sweetest little piece of me wrapped in cotton candy. He loves his Mama and can't sleep without her sweet embrace. But of course there were days when his crying can just blow my brains out. Taking care of a child eventhough you love him in a million little ways is still hard work. People looking in thinks it's such an easy job. Those people without kids may automatically assume that SAHM ( stay at home mom) do nothing all day but eat and sleep. If you are one of them, I am kinda hating you right now. Really.

     I wish everything is easy as it seems and glamorous even. But if you are planning to have kids soon sorry to break it up to you but there's so many things you need to give up and I hope you are ready.

     Every day I try to be a superwoman. Juggling to make the house clean, take care of myself - physically, meantally, spiritually otherwise I might jump from the 25th floor any minute and of course look after and give the best to my child. The hours are endless and unpredictable. I have no regrets for this choice I make because this is my dream. I always wanted this but getting a little help would be fantastic instead of the judgment. I wish my mom was still alive. I wish she can give me advice about so many things I am so confused about. All things motherhood and marriage with all love and understanding.


        Lately everything can tear me up easily. A quick comment about my skin, or how I feed my child or how I love fitness. I normally just keep quiet or share my feelings to the husband and pray but these days nothing works. I feel bad and my mood is ruined. I feel a dark cloud suddenly cast over my blue sky. I feel heavy and cry in the bathroom. What is wrong?

         Then I revere and open my book where I find answers. I pour my heart out and sing. This dark clouds will disappear. He will lift them up. I realized when I stopped reflecting as often as I can I lost track of who I am. He changed me and so why this old me keeps bugging me now?

       The enemy keeps telling me how I am not good enough to my child and to my husband. And it breaks my heart. And how my imperfections are being magnified by the husband reprimanding  me of my inefficiencies at times. I feel alone. Helpless. Why suddenly I mean nothing. The voice is loud and it's ringing in my ears.

          So I pray. And I will pray more.
           God is good and He sees me differently. It's only him to whom I am accounted for. It's only HIM I need to impress and only HIM I should rely for my worth.

          We cannot expect everyone to be like us morever understand us or believe in our dreams. We cannot assume everybody or those whom we loved will be our biggest supporters or cheerleaders. Oftentimes they can be our worst critic and destroy us from the inside and that's why there's God. Those people are only human, He is infinite. He is our Father, he loves me differently, like a mom loves his child.

         I understand now this crying phase should stop. It's not helping me to become the best version of myself. It doesn't serve as a Godly example to my child. So next time the harsh words come in, they will fall on deaf ears.

AMEN. 

Realization

So last time I was complaining about not having enough time for couple's night, or Sasha not letting us have one (without him crying and asking for boobie) and how he's becoming so slippery active I was grasping for air at the end of the day, well, I should always be reminded of how precious these times were , until he got a fever of almost 40degrees. I prefer the active, happy and noisy Sasha than the quiet lazy couch potato when he's having a fever. Damn this teething phase! We were literally worried sick for almost two days. My husband more panicky than me was running like a chicken without a head. I don't like him when he's becoming one and myself turning into one of Daenrys's dragons. We rushed him to ER at 5 am since his body was as hot as the oven when I'm baking pizza. The thing was, he's not even crying. I just felt him very hot as he squeezed his body next to mine searching for my chest. I grab my husband by the hand and woke up him immediately. The doctor didnt find anything. It could be the weather becoming more chilly, the changing breeze and yeah the molars finally popping. And so we both decided to turn off the AC and let the windows open all day and night. At least a little minus from electric bill these coming months and more sweat when I'm working out. (The greatest feeling!) 

The next day he was fine and jolly. Now I realized I have no right to complain. Instead be mindful of the blessings. Maybe me, depriving him of the milk made him unwell somehow. I could have had pressured him to let go too quickly when he's not yet ready. Perhaps I should back off a little and let the whole thing takes its course. He will be ready once he's ready. I should learn to trust him more. My girls can wait, and a good push- up bra is anywhere available anyway. 

I can't imagine it's already November. And 2015 is almost coming to a close. Just last year around this time I was in the Philippines patiently waiting for Sasha's arrival and my husband coming for his birth. And now we are together, as promised. God is so good! 

This last week was full of downs more than ups. Every night I reflect on my day and contemplate of the things I could have done better. God wants me to be the best version of myself. I want to change this and that. But  I cannot do it on my own. My child and my husband are my greatest blessings. It's easy to forget when you get carried away by rolling tides. But God is always ardent to remind me how much he blessed me. I have everything I wanted and more, it's mostly a matter of attitude how I see life and how to grab happiness by the head. There is no room to complain when there's so much to be thankful for. 

on Marriage

       It's sad to hear news of breakup spreading like wildfire in Hollywood.  I know that the sacredness of marriage has long been gone in that kind of world but I still hope and believe that it can sustain somehow at least here, in this less extraordinary lives we live. So hearing my friends's breakup stories from one marriage to another made me ponder what is the cause of this outbreak. Last year was like the getting knocked-up season while 2015 is slowly closing on a heavy tone. I cannot help but wallow in deep agony emphatizing her and their children and offering my heart and ears. "Just pray. Just hold on" I keep on telling each of them.

       It's never easy to be in a relationship where you vow to stay for the rest of your life  faithful and loving and all that. That's why it's much easier to just engage in one fleeting relationship to the next. But it gets exhausting, even the fun in there gets boring quickly, at least that's how I see it. With the temptations around and the level of disposability of one person and the lack of guidance for sure it gets so simple now to let go and move on. But God did not create men and women to be like disposable plastic cups. I have no right to judge and certainly I am in no position to convey my opinion on such matters . Marriage is doing great for me but like others we have struggles too.  I am not perfect and so does he. We don't agree on everything. There were days for sure that we get in to each other's nerves and there's a child to take care of. There were lazy days and hormotional days for me. I feel like I am going to explode sometimes but I always try to hold on and keep my cool and consider how much I wanted this to work out and how much I prayed for this man. Instead of putting more fuel to the fire I choose more often to be more mature. I ask God for help more than ever, this is how serious I am. Our world is different now. Evil lurks and sometimes the person next to you is the devil incarnate. Haha. But seriously, nothing worth having comes easy. And nothing prayer can't move.
 

       Staying married is a decision you make everyday. It's not about what's convenient  but moreover it's all about giving and sacrifice and the game of who's having the bigger heart  and sowing happiness by making the other person happy.

      I pray that our partners in life will always be protected and guided by our Heavenly Father when this world is becoming so small for happy couples. Let our hearts not be tempted or tested but remain pure. Let our desires grow fonder only for the person God has chosen for us. Let's put the work and effort and the prayers to water our desire to love that person just as how He loved us.





     

are sometimes my favorite but...

not now...
i can either go for preterm labor or pee in my pants. 

It's been a while since we hit the beach...

We got the chance to eat for free before The Cheesecake Factory opens in The Beach @ JBR.
The sun just shine brightly, burning us . Can't wait til summer's over....

The ONE

  Been in Australia last week and I'm coming back there on Sunday. 'Really wishing it's JFK flight instead. Oh well.

Sorry my dear blog for not putting much updates or at least pictures in the past few weeks. I've been so busy lately with work and stitching up together a simple wedding here in Dubai. Yeah! That fast! We decided to get hitched here and have a follow-up celebration in the Philippines or in Ukraine together with our parents and close relatives and friends next year. Everything happens like a whirlwind. Eventhough I was blessed with so many days off, they seemed not enough to get things done. Plus the fact that I'm having bad episodes of headaches and heart burns! Chocolate indulgence can't seem to help me anyhow.

I feel so blissfully happy to finally reached  this stage in my life.
I finally found the ONE. The much elusive One as they say. Kissed a few frogs along the day 'til I met my real Prince Charming. It all made sense in the end you know. The heartaches in the past were lessons learned and something to remind us that what is meant to be will be. Lift everything to God and everything is going to be alright.

Two years of dating really is enough to find out if there's a future together.
Being with him is easy and light and carefree. It's not like lifting a 100-pound weight to get things going. He makes me feel loved and beautiful and important. I need not worry. He gives me security. And everyone in my family loves him . And I love his family too! It's amazing how suddenly the tiles in the puzzle fall right into place. Swiftly.

I am about to embark on a new journey and I am so excited.
I might have to stop flying for a while and focus on something else, building my own family.
Gosh, it's a milestone to reach 30 and watch how each of my dreams come true right before my eyes! We have an amazing God! He answers our prayers! Sometimes it takes time, but in the end we'll realize HIS timing has always been perfect!

From here in Dubai and from the rest of my remaining travels,
I am signing off as a Miss...

xoxo,
Skinny Girl

Will Write Soon...

Over the Moon

Weekend love :-)

He + she

It's hard to pretend that you like someone when in reality all you want to do is avoid them as much as you can. And seeing him with your friend breaks your heart a little. You can't do much about it if she still wants to continue being with him. Oh man. Creeps are just about everywhere. I don't care if you have MBA or a PhD. What matters is what you do when no one's looking. Deep within those layers of clothes I can see you inside. Deuche bag. I would not consider being with someone who is more vain than me. He will not please anybody but himself. Even a slight sign of interest he can't give. He's bored to death with our conversation. Is there a funny bone at least inside that lifeless soul of his? I wish them the best in life. I have no right to judge. It's just me being brutally honest.

Gone are the days when I used to just fantasize being with a man who is rich enough to take me on a holiday in his private jet. I will get automatically mesmerized by his model-like features. He will shower me with expensive gifts. He speaks fluent French, German and Italian. Because In reality he doesn't exists. Or maybe his kind are somewhere out there. That kind of man is only available in a catalogue. And He's emotionally shutdown, being all "George Clooney" to you.

In the end what a woman needs is a man who will be there for her. The One who will love her cellulites, and all when the honeymoon stage is over. A man who will listen to her rant and rave about her day. Good looks only comes as a bonus. He doesn't have need to be the CEO . As long as he has passion, goals, dreams. He works hard. And his happiness comes from making you happy. He listens and kisses you when you had a rough day. He parades you in front of his friends like you're his most valuable possession. He makes plan with you for the future. He calls when he says he will. You don't need to ask where he is or who's with him. He tells you by default. He enjoys cuddling under the covers and rubs and kisses your feet when you're cold. And he's real.

We don't need a man who just looks good on the outside, with his Ferrari and his Black American Express but inside he can't offer the basics for a happy ,healthy and nurturing relationship .

Some women can live with just money and no love. A hot body and lustful lifestyle.
But who are they kidding?

All Of Me

0ooh...

Happy Weekend!

Love is not only an emotion; it is a decision. Love is not only a function of the heart; it is a function of the will. Love becomes love only when incarnated by acts seeking the good of another.