addicted

Tell me why I still do the things I always do? Forgive me for the fix today my mouth was dry and the blanket was too short to cover my feet. You passed by like a ghost and left a indelible ink all over the place. Strange things happen for a reason and the weatherman failed to tell what awaits tomorrow. I will bring my umbrella and my suntan lotion. I am about to lose my mind.

Don't be mad at me. Please don't give me that face and lower the tone of your voice. I couldn't afford to lose. I was weak. But I don't regret it.

Beautiful Day

Birds

Someday I will understand this. How all of these will make sense one day.

I sat there waiting at the roadside with my suitcases all over the place. Breathing slowly, excited and nervous for something I don't know. I prefer to stay where I am, no longer asking nor expecting. I am happy. I feel peace. I don't need explanations. I can read directions.

The sky is blue. And the color red remains red. My friends still loves me and music makes me feel good. I found happiness in simple things and I am just fine with that.


I realized it's not so bad to want nothing. It's okay to just stop fighting for things you don't get and just let the wind takes you wherever.

I had ice cream for dinner two nights in a row. It makes me happy. It doesn't make me cry. I only get fat. Who cares? It doesn't show.

The Lights are Shining For Me

Six in the morning I took the Metro. I have never been to that place nor have met any of them. I just told myself that I need to getaway. There were about fifteen strangers and two others like me. A feather floating by and waiting for the wind to take me. The desert was hot but not as hot as I had expected. The lights on their faces were enough to convince me that everything is going to be alright.

I stood there for a couple of minutes which felt like eternity. And the flashes of colors somehow changed how I used to feel. The morning sun became a haze of smoke and eventually to rain. And when it touches my skin I couldn't feel anymore better. They felt like tears.

They changed my face and twisted my body in small packages of glamour. And when I looked at the girl in the mirror she just came back to life.
I was exhausted for the day and took the longest bath.

When evening fell I think about you. It's not the French guy nor the Italian. They sing to my ears and they dance like midnight train. But I don't have anything left to feel. I chose to be cold for a while. To stop feeling there's something more. Keep my distance and preserve me.

Maybe you don't know that. I shouldn't tell-- that , I miss everything about you.

How your hair falls to your face, and your eyes, the kindest that I have ever seen.

In all the faces of the strangers I meet every day, you left a mark and hoping that someday you will find me.

If I can Undo Your Past

A million little words still echoes like thunder waves inside my head. Sometimes I still hopelessly wish I heard you say the other way around. They never existed- that we had this conversation a long time ago, in the same world and time frame.

He calls in the middle of the night, during those times when he needed my company but I know better now. The whirlwind romance gone too soon. The mindless talks just to ask the mundane things. Was it three o'clock or seven perhaps and the sun is about to set in your own sky. Driving past my driveway like a hundred years already passed.

I was thinking of you most of the time. Your name brings a tickle in my skin whenever somebody mentions it. I am falling slowly, and yet again another brick wall. I cannot climb you anymore. The pavement awaits me. And surely when I hit it, my head will not only bleed... it's my heart.

In a Night Like This

I spent the whole day with you. And yet all I hear was nothing but silence. We drove past the familiar places and ate in our favorite restaurant. You did not even fixed your hair. And you wore the old Armani shirt we bought together. The Diesel jeans you wore already faded but somehow managed to brag about you new Louis Vuitton shoes. I was surprised, you just told me you bought some shirts at Burberry. Who is she? Why the sudden impulse in designer brands? Is she screaming Gucci from head to toe?

You looked at me in deep thought as I lost my stare from the distance between us. You asked where had I been. I smiled and held your hand. We just ran out of things to talk about since that day you decided to live in secrets. You touched my hair and held me close like we were alone in the world. But all I can see is her face in your eyes and how you don't feel sorry for me.

You kissed me. I let you. You untied the laces and you unravel them. I miss the tenderness of your breathing and yet I felt so wrong. I was dead there as you moved and I watched how all the lights disappear.
The mobile phone started ringing. Why did she call at one am? Don't leave yet, I have so much things to ask of you first. But even before a word comes out you were gone again...

I may never say these Again...

Hello Love,

We spent two years together. It was a rollercoaster ride. Damn, I was so inlove with you. But I can tell right now, after introspecting every single thread of our relationship it made me realize I was building my foundation made of sand. The future is so bleak between us. I don't know how you live through each day with the thought of hurting me any time soon when your bride comes. When will you dispose me? How creative can you be just to make the deparure less painful. Why did you let me love you? Why can you just help me find love somewhere?Why is it so hard for me to accept that you will never be mine. Why can't I just stop loving you? Why can't you just leave her. Be mine now. Is that simple.