Life is a process. We are all works in progress-- green tomatoes ripening in the windowsill of life. As I experience more, learn more, I often think of what my discoveries might do to my life and in the lives of others.

Life keeps on coming at me, and new insights and discoveries get caught in my net. Like a fisherman, I haul them up, sort the catch , and head for the labor.
---my 20yr old self....

"I found every single successful person I’ve ever spoken to had a turning point. The turning point was when they made a clear, specific unequivocal decision that they were going to achieve success. Some people make that decision at 15 and some people make it at 50, and most people never make it at all."
via little-miss

Right Kind of Wrong

“Some people never find the right kind of love.
You know, the kind that steals
your breath away, like diving into snowmelt.
The kind that jolts your heart,

sets it beating apace, an anxious
hiccuping of hummingbird wings.

The kind that makes every terrible
minute apart feel like hours. Days.

Some people flit from one possibility
to the next, never experiencing the incredible

connection of two people, rocked by destiny.
Never knowing what it means to love

someone else more than themselves.
More than life itself, or the promise

of something better, beyond this world.
More, even than God.

Lucky me. I found the right kind
of love. With the wrong person.”

"

‘Tricks’ by Ellen Hopkins.

barelyholdingon-.tumblr.com(via quote-book)

This thing I'll never Say

"No matter where you Go, I won't be very far, 'Cause in my head, I'll be right there where you are, 'cause LOVE has no distance baby..."
---AJ RAFAEL-- She was Mine

Something Borrowed

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, if you dare of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals of have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live in failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon "Yes!".

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me to know who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

---- THE INVITATION, Oriah Mountain Dreamer

What You need, What you deserve, is a guy who Adores You for what You Are. Who doesn't see You as a Project, but a Prize. --- Sarah Dessen ( The Truth about Forever)

via karish-ma

I am not afraid of you. There's nothing you can do to me that hasn't already been done before.
--I wrote this For You, The World in The Mirror

The Reason

Some things are just never meant to be. You either swallow the bitter pill now or continue the misery. You have given out chances like it's always on sale. And yet it never change, it keeps hurting and leaving you paralyzed with jealousy.

The words echoes so you turn off the source. You will get by each day, you know you can. There's so many out there. Don't hold back.

Then there's One that left a mark. You want to go forward but something's holding you back. The beauty lingers and the perfection is permanent. You know you will fall hard if you dare touch that button. You have found the One and Yet, there it goes again--- another bottle of maybes. So you try to be careful. But he never leaves. He sits there comfortably in your mind especially when you're happy and you know there's something about him. You can never explain it even when you try to find the reason. How many times did you tell yourself don't put it out there again but for one thing, he's just the first thing that pops out.

So I will just let it be. The journey starts now. Let it be simple. Trust God. Have faith.
Don't give up. Think if you must. And pray that you will find that One again.
Stretch. He rekindles the fire within anyway, there's a bigger purpose. So be ready for the surprise....

Noypi

Everything seems to fall right. I can hear well and see better. I feel so energized to start and just Go!
There's gotta be something out there.
So I will just take my time and Dive!

STORMS make trees take deeper roots.

---Claude McDonald

favorite ANTM

In time, It will be my turn.
Yes, my turn.
it's not always going to be the same season
on your side, this will end soon.

There's no voice on the other end,
and my strength and these warmness I have them
You're so cruel, nothing but cruel.

You cut with a knife and you spit with fire
and I found beauty and the day will cease with it
I know I will be alright.

My dreams are bigger than the sky. And my love is countless like the stars. I don't know why I feel so optimistic today when I should be sobbing. I found the strength within. You don't really need that someone to feel complete. It will come. inshallah

Big Bad Wolf

For everything that you have missed, you have gained something else.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I sat there just listening to some bizarre music in the background. I don't understand a thing the lady was singing about in the radio and yet I feel like I completely understood what she's going through. I passed by the Bookstore again for nth time and bought one book after another. I flipped through the page and fell in-love quickly. I met my best friend for coffee and we stayed there for hours and still don't feel the want to go home. To lie awake in my bed staring at the ceiling with a million questions running through my mind just terrifies me.

I lost another fight again. People kept telling me it's for my own good. Although I did not cry but bruised my arm from the big punch I felt the exhilaration that I was right from the beginning. There's nothing to talk about and the damage has been done and for somebody in that caliber, surely he doesn't have a heart. He came and conquer and disguise himself with a face of an angel but when the clock struck twelve he just morphs into something else. I had loved deeply and completely. I had totally felt how to be alive. I bled the never-ending pain until it grew numb inside. He still flew and I am left here again.

This time I felt I was sure there's no more chances. I grew tired of giving them to somebody who is not capable to feel. I decided to wait and just stand still. Maybe God's gift got lost in the post office. It will arrive soon I know.

I am letting go of anything that hurts me. I am forgiving everyone who hurt me. I am loving just the one's needing them. I will treasure the people I truly care about 'til my last breath : my family, my friends all around-the-world, those people who have touched my life in so many different ways. I am so thankful for each day.

This heartache from you will soon pass. Your brother knows about it. You picked the wrong girl. You cannot crawl back anymore. She will be gone soon and I will forget you in no time, because you're not worth it.

Yeah, I lost a piece of me when I held you once, but waking up from this bad dream has been the greatest blessing ever.

Reminder to Myself

End of the Road

You can lose your love
But you can start over
It's not to0 late and it's okay to wait.

I've been restless, I don't know
what is right anymore
Until it hit me, it's okay
to stand alone for a while.


The memories entangles my daily living
I just deserve something more
Not the scraps but the whole pie
I have to eat it, it's not yours to keep.


I will miss the times we used to sit together
like a family in your kitchen and the
dinner he used to make for me
But it's not enough for me to stay and believe.


I am going now and lose me
Our good times will remain here
but the sight of the worse has gone with you.

Looking Toward the Light

If a man happens to find himself, he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.
James A. Michener

After a Drunk Monday @ Barasti

We want a lot of things. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. Time flies so quickly I hardly notice it's been two weeks and a new month has just arrived. What's in store this time? I can't help but ask. My typical day opens and closes in a blink of an eye which always leaves me wondering if I had done enough or had enjoy my time. I guess as long as I feel happy that I look over the things that belongs to me now it really doesn't matter anymore if I had felt something different.


I am meeting hundreds of people in my day-job. I had seen all the different looks in their eyes. An old man from India who brought his entire family for a week and spent the whole year saving just to celebrate he and his wife's 50th wedding anniversary, the young couple on honeymoon who can't simply get enough of each other, the old Arabic guy who just married his 4th wife that you can even obviously tell she is half of his age, the businessmen with their three-hour girlfriends, the single ladies and men fishing to get laid, the old European couple with their young kids still playing hide-and-seek in the crowded lobby. It's funny and entertaining and just a daily eye-opener for me. Each of one has a unique story to tell. And yet in the end they all want the same things. Well, almost.

Yeah, they all look excited and overwhelmed. But none of them is living the perfect life. Some of them came to escape, others traveled from the other side of the world just to have a brand new start, while others spent a fortune to rediscover their youth and power. I sometimes feel I am His favorite to give a wake-up call. But hearing others stories made me realized that I am just getting a fair share of the ups and down. I always feel that God had so much confidence in me that's why He's always gives me a hard time on passing the tests but I started to look things differently now.

I learned that not meeting suffering and pain in this life you will not also meet happiness and peace,and that not all relationship is always going to end up in heartache, and hard work will always ends in victory, and truth is better to accept now that later.


Our residence here is too short. Eternity is just around the corner and what we have here is just a piece of what's waiting down there. I used to question injustice to most cases I had witnessed with my own eyes because I have such a strong conscience and how come people can do such things without batting an eyelash. Now I have a bigger understanding about life. I will never be in the position to judge anybody, for I have never known their own struggles and their reasons are for them to bear.


Although it's hard to accept that some things are never going to belong to us no matter what, no matter how much you fight with God, no matter how much gallons of tears you want to fill the River Nile in the end you just have to trust Him that if He closes one window another one will be opened soon and that if someone leaves, a new arrival is on the way.



I spent awhile in limbo. Confused to stay in the box or be outside of the box and continue fighting. I almost give up that a new day will rise tomorrow. Disappointments can really punch you in the face like Manny Pacquiao. Betrayal can really drain your energy to trust people again. And losing someone so quickly and suddenly can leave you wishing that it was you instead. But seeing how strong and optimistic people do everything to get the things they believe they deserve I feel ashamed of how I felt.

Everything is going to be alright. There is no such thing as abandonment and not being good enough. There's always somebody for someone. There's always a solution to any problem. And your biggest downfall could be a blessing in disguise.