Five years ago I went home around mid-March unexpectedly since my Annual leave was approved. I immediately took the earliest flight home to catch up with my family. A year before that I was in a deep mess. Suicidal, running away from home, hiding, and throwing away my future like a pack of gum. I was lost in love, or the idea of it. I was delusional, possesed even . Until one day, I just had enough and I saw God lifting me up from my darkest hour. But it was too late, too late to even tell my Mom that she was right all along. By 2nd of May that same year, I took the earliest flight back to Manila to see her cold body waiting for me at the door.
Stubborn and impatient, she was my enemy all the time. Not allowing me go on dates without a chaperone even when I was already 23 that time. How embarrassed I was when my date saw my parents at the parking lot waiting for me to finish my drink. How she constantly nags me with the clothes I wear, and how I can be better with my academics even when I was already killing-myself try to be the Best in my Class all the time. I just see her as this annoying shadow always following me everywhere I go and a microscope highlighting my imperfections all the time. Only later I realized that's how much she loved me. Like a precious jewel she wanted to protect from this corrupted world. I thought she wanted me to grow old all alone and just work, work, work, work, work.
And then she's gone. Only when I realized that her tough love is the only way she knows how to show love. And like any other Mom she wanted nothing but the best for me.
My dad prepared everything. He cooked his favorite soup, ordered his favorite cassava cake and labored all day for their friends to come. Even paid someone to clean our house twice in one week. Deep down I know the wounds are still fresh. His loneliness and longing for her is always like the first day she was gone. I don't know how he makes it every day . But only a few people came. The house was a bit empty and the food overflowing. Where were her friends now? Is it going to be like that once we're gone? In a few years, nobody will remember. Nobody will care. You're lost in oblivion. But even when everyone forgets, I will always remember. I will always love her.
Stubborn and impatient, she was my enemy all the time. Not allowing me go on dates without a chaperone even when I was already 23 that time. How embarrassed I was when my date saw my parents at the parking lot waiting for me to finish my drink. How she constantly nags me with the clothes I wear, and how I can be better with my academics even when I was already killing-myself try to be the Best in my Class all the time. I just see her as this annoying shadow always following me everywhere I go and a microscope highlighting my imperfections all the time. Only later I realized that's how much she loved me. Like a precious jewel she wanted to protect from this corrupted world. I thought she wanted me to grow old all alone and just work, work, work, work, work.
And then she's gone. Only when I realized that her tough love is the only way she knows how to show love. And like any other Mom she wanted nothing but the best for me.
My dad prepared everything. He cooked his favorite soup, ordered his favorite cassava cake and labored all day for their friends to come. Even paid someone to clean our house twice in one week. Deep down I know the wounds are still fresh. His loneliness and longing for her is always like the first day she was gone. I don't know how he makes it every day . But only a few people came. The house was a bit empty and the food overflowing. Where were her friends now? Is it going to be like that once we're gone? In a few years, nobody will remember. Nobody will care. You're lost in oblivion. But even when everyone forgets, I will always remember. I will always love her.
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